Bklyn With Love

[BklynMom]

I was not upset at all that you asked me to look at myself. I have known for sometime now how deeply I resented myself, but it really helped to articulate it.

These posting really helped me take another step this weekend forward to the light. I also began reading a book about a mom whose kids died of Tay Sachs and that has been inspiring. Then I took a yoga class where the teacher talked about why a lotus flower is so symbolic - its because the roots are so deep under the muck and dirt of the pond it takes a couple of years for it really grab hold until it blooms.

All this was inspiring until my kids came home from their weekend with dad and my in laws and I found out his girl friend went with them. This is not the first time but it stabbed me like a knife.

What makes them (H & girlfriend) think its okay to place house with my kids, to drive in her car like a family, to tuck my kids in at night, to put them in their pjs, to spend easter hunting for eggs with them Is this normal?

So for the first time, I say something. He comes back in with the last load from the car, I hurry up his goodbyes with the girls and while he is on the front stoop.

I tell him that I problem with driving companion. He asks me if we maybe we should meet and talk about it. I said no I dont want to talk about this, you have clearly decided this is okay for your children and this is not okay for your kids, but there is nothing to talk about.

I didnt yell or lose it.

Once the door was closed I broke down and cried to my girls. I said a million things I shouldnt have to them. I told them daddy wanted to be married to Jess and not to me, I told them Daddy loved Jess and not their mommy.

I wanted to tell them Jess is an a$$hole home wrecker but I left that out.

In the mist of my breakdown to my girls, I called my parents to come over, which was smart. I knew I needed help.

I dont understand how his girlfriend can go into work, with people I know and tell them she spent a weekend, easter with my kids and my in laws and my husband and people think this is okay. That no tells her she is an a$$hole. She goes on acting like she is such a nice girl.

I hate the idea of these too playing house with my kids. I hate that. I want to call this b!tch and tell her never to touch my children. I want to call her and tell that she is home wrecker.

The worst thing that my H did was get me to believe that this was all my fault. He made me think I was crazy.

I am not crazy and I deserve better. So do my girls.

PS. So so glad I am gonna have the best princess party ever!