My WAW - coming to terms with it all!

[WAW_SC]

Wow 25yrsmlc.
Somehow you manage to say the rights things and give me a good kick in ar$e. Your wisdom and advice is appreciated...you could do this for a living!
I must admit i am finding very difficult, I think its clear to me that I am still pretty mixed up and not focusing enough on myself and still preoccupied with my wife. I am going to write up some goals and small steps tonight to help me break out of this cycle.

You are right, I am projecting negative thoughts but I am still trying everyday to get better. I only see my W twice a week and I especially make sure that I am upbeat when i see her. I think this weekend knocked me out and I lost track.
Its okay, I will just start again and stop making the same mistakes and continue to improve myself.

"And btw, did you ever apologize to her for your bad behavior, for real?"
I am pretty sure I have acknowledged my wrong doings to her, but a straight forward sincere apology .. not too sure. I have apologised for things during conversations, but not directly and simply for my behaviour and the pain and hurt I haver caused her. I was probably stuck trying to justify why i behaved that way, rather than just take it on and own it.
It will be tricky to do that since we dont speak much these days, and conversations re: M put pressure on her which she is not interested in taking on at the moment.

I guess there will be a time and place to make that clear and simple apology with no expectations or blame etc. I will wait patiently for that moment.

Meanwhile, back to trying to get my sh!t together, and focusing less on what she might be thinking, saying or doing. I can only control me and I can only change me.

Thanks once again 25yrsmlc.