I havent really posted much recently but sorry, I need to vent.
W and I have been getting along better over the past couple of weeks than we have since BD. We are having friendly conversations, she actually laughed at/with me today and W has not gone to work over the weekends like previously.
This evening however, D4 was not listening and acting out and W says "I can't wait to get to work tomorrow". Maybe it shouldn't have but this hurt. (Early on, W has said several times that she would rather be at a job she hates than to be at home with me).
Now that kids are asleep, W goes downstairs to get away. Obviously from me since the kids are asleep.
I know that this shows I am not detached. I have known this all along. I am trying. It's just since we have been getting along better than in forever it just hurts. Darn expectations! I know AS has talked about how his expectations have bitten him. I am trying to remember his words of advice but it is just hard to do once you start getting along better.
Does us getting along better mean anything? I don't know. Aside from being friendly and talking to me more, there have been no other new signs of affection. Not going to temperature check though. That never goes well.
Thanks for listening/reading. I just needed to get that off of my chest. Maybe I am just a little too sensitive tonight.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
Grizz, I am also trying to protect myself from those expectations. I have a come a long way with the W, but doesn't mean we are really "working on it". But as MrBond told me, don't over think it. Y'all are getting along better. How is that a bad thing? We all are going to have those nights or days were it hits is harder. I had one last night. W posted some pics on FB. Nothing bad, just her having fun with friends. I was upset because I wish she was having fun with me like that. Today I realized how stupid that is!! Just keep moving forward. Patience!
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Grizz... u are doing AWESOME... keep it up!! No temp checks, NO R talks. Just continue to give her some space. I understand about the expectations... they stump me too.
P2 wrote something on my wall just a few moments ago regarding the diff between detachment/withdrawing... you might learn something valuable.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Thanks CB and WFM. CB you are right, how can getting along better be a bad thing? Baby steps.
WFM, I read your thread about withdrawing. Makes sense. I can definitely withdraw. The detaching is the hard part. Her actions definitely continue to affect me. Not as much as 3 months ago but they still do.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
This is normal, and there's no way to avoid it. It happens to all of us. The trick is to not allow it to draw you off your DB track. Stick to your plan, and be the man she would be foolish to leave. Remember: These things take time to turn around. Dig down deep for patience.
I agree it sounds like you are doing well Grizz. Hang in there buddy!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Momentary setback, Grizz. Push through it. You're doing well. The next day will be better. Your wife is dealing with her own frustrations and she has good days and bad just like you. Give her room to fluctuate.
I don't think any of us will ever reach a point where we are fully detached. I think that's just something that happens when you love someone. Can you imagine ever reaching a point where nothing in your daughters' lives could ever affect you? You love them, always will, and will never fully detach from them because of that.
Thanks for the encouragement guys. It is the hurt that makes this so hard. W just posted Easter pics on Facebook and I realized that we didnt get a single picture of us as a family. I would guess that this is the first holiday since having kids that we don't have a family picture. W is VERY big on pictures. She always has her camera. We always had to have family pictures of everything. This is just very sad. Maybe we aren't doing as well as I thought over the past few weeks.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
Grizz - Relax buddy. Sounds like you're starting to over think things.
Continue trying to get along with each other while taking time for yourself. Also make sure to give her as much space as she needs, some days will be more than others which is fine.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
I was the photo person in my family too, moms tend to be that way. But what prevented you from taking a holiday family picture? Could you take that role from now on, and don't relinquish something that matters to you, to someone else's control?
And don't sweat that it's a different family picture than in the old days, record what IS. A lot of family pictures that make it into the beautiful scrapbooks are fakey. Get your phone out and snap one of your kids today and stick it on the fridge labeled Easter 2013. Close enough. It will show your kids that they don't have to be perfect children in a perfect family to be worth celebrating in a picture on the fridge.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
