I think you might be confusing "detach" with "withdraw". I look at going silent and not texting, phoning or otherwise contacting your spouse as withdrawing from them. Another way of withdrawing is just making yourself scarce.
"Detaching" has more to do with your emotional state. Are your feelings and thoughts driven by what your spouse says or does? If their behavior causes you to respond like a puppet on strings,you are NOT detached. I don't know how you get there besides coming to a point where you KNOW you have worth without them.
Many of us here suffer from a lack of self esteem. That drives our insecurities about our relationships. If we felt that we were the absolute best person on the planet and the most desirable mate a person could ever dream to have, we would certainly spend much less time (read zero) fretting about our circumstances. What our spouse did or didn't do wouldn't really matter to us.
When we know our actual street value, we will find that it is easier to be detached. I think of being detached as a state of being and not something we do.
