DBing, European style

[25yearsmlc]

25, == problem areas you've outlined are, of course, things I've known for some time and I'm working on them both on my own and in IC.

how is that going? Are you getting better in any appreciable way? If a half dozen sessions isn't producing measurable change, IMHO,

I'd get a new counselor AND OR

kick myself in the arse and start making the changes I keep talking about making...

Let me ask you this: so the next step for W is that she wants to make individual plans for pre- and post-D. Do I just go along with that and do what she asks? Do I tell her that I still feel that she should work on things?

you do not E V E R

TELL HER that you still feel SHE SHOULD WORK on things. You have plenty to do in your sandbox. Stay in your sandbox and OUT of hers...



Stander had a great post somewhere about validation (you're right, I do probably just agree with her and call it validation -- blam, another 2x4 between the eyes from 25!).

What was the "blam between the eyes" to you? I'm not upset but I am curious and I think we might be onto soething here...

How do you handle feedback from your wife?

I mean, maybe you just used the words careflessly or tossed them out.

But I'm a bit of a wordsmith. I practice law and write for a living.

I didn't feel I gave you any "blams between the eyes", (although Lord knows I probably have given them to others).

So either I am not recalling it accurately (always possible), or I am being careless (also possible!)

or you have an issue with feedback from women. I won't take myself out of the equation but

I really want you to look at that comment, and what it projects to your wife about you as a man.

How can she talk to you about HER needs if you feel attacked by it? And if she cannot communicate about her needs, or resolve conflict with you b/c of this defensiveness

then isn't it logical or at least foreseable, that you are both now, here?


I've got to learn how to do that effectively.

Thanks everybody for sharing your incredible wisdom and support.

Happy Easter.

You're welcome. Happy Easter to you too!