When I was a WAW, the last thing I wanted was my H asking me to take some quiz so he could speak to me in my LL. I know that book is recommended a lot, and is a really great book. But it isn't exactly what I believe you need to apply at this particular point in your stitch. B/c that book is suggesting showing affection, words of affirmation, gifts & flowers, etc., which can be seen as pursuing by the WAW. If she is trying to get you to sign D papers, how do you think she feels when you try to get her to fill out a "love quiz"? I purposely say this rather harshly b/c I want you to get your head screwed on straight and stop doing things before you think about it rationally.......which asking her to fill out any quiz that quiz is showing her how desperate you feel.
I can't stress enough how a WAW, who is having an A, thinks those type of attempts from the LBH'S is too little too late! She feels that way so strongly that it infuriates her when you do things like that now. So just stop with the gimmic....quick fixes b/c it is too late for them. In her mind, you should have been trying to do find her LL years ago....when she was interested.
Everything is different now. Do you really understand that it is? You are trying to keep a person who wants to escape having a life with you. Many times, it takes the LBS releasing that hold....before the WAS reconsiders their decision.
You do no not have to agree that you want a divorce from her. Some people here may advise you to fight her every inch of the way. But I believe the more you fight and resist, the more she will want to get away from you.
You are probably thinking that it would only release her for the OM to have. To be blunt, the OM already has her and the M hasn't stopped it. Nothing you've tried has changed her decision. So why continue doing the same?
I'm not telling you to give up loving her. I'm not telling you to give up having hope for a future with her. But I do believe if you stop trying to control her and force her to be where she doesn't want to be, you may actually get a second chance at life together.
Oh btw, I knew you worked from home, but you are home with the kids all day while she's out in the work force......meeting attractive people who responds positively. But when she comes home, what she sees and hears is very much the same as men who use to describe the housewife. It has the same effects, it's just reversed from what was seen as "traditional roles", and I think it may be harder for some men when they aren't working outside the home, based on what I've read and witnessed over time. But whichever one stays at home has to work at staying attractive, interesting, charming, happy, etc. Every person who has been the parent to stay in the home (working from the house or not) and had to wear all the hats you've described knows how hard it is!
Think carefully before acting on anything again.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
