Guys, I feel blessed by having you all. FY, Ruby, Subguy, Labug, GTO, Busting, and Tumbling (welcome back!) you are all amazing.
Labug, what you said about a step I "won't have to repeat" resonated with me. It's so true. Especially bc I don't intend to get D again--EVER!! Maybe I'm jinxing myself :-)
I've been pretty sad today, in tears many times. Maybe bc it's Easter? I was sitting alone at church and I just wanted to leave. There were a few people on their own, but I chose to focus on the families and couples, and you know how that is. I felt angry at my H for doing what he's doing, especially for having this R now instead of waiting till the D is final. But whatever. I know I can't expect to control any of his actions, and that he has to learn his lessons on his own.
I reworded some of the stuff the mediator wrote so it's a bit clearer and more equitable. My L is going to fall off his chair when he sees it. My mom was telling me I should follow the L's advice and go to court, but I've decided to just stop this madness and go with what we agreed on at the mediation session. I know I would get a better financial deal if we went to court, but I choose peace and do not want to have another traumatic experience added to my life. Abundance is there for me, anyway, and once I'm an established author, my H will wish he had been the one to ask for support :-)
I'll be talking about the doc with my H tomorrow. He is pretty happy w the outcome (he couldn't have done better financially,) so the conversation should be less stressful. He even texted me to thank me for the brownies and for being patient with him. Said he knew this was hard for me. I replied saying that I knew it was hard for him too, and he said yes.
I've been pretty sad today, in tears many times. Maybe bc it's Easter? I was sitting alone at church and I just wanted to leave. There were a few people on their own, but I chose to focus on the families and couples, and you know how that is. I felt angry at my H for doing what he's doing, especially for having this R now instead of waiting till the D is final.
I do things on my own at times and feel comfortable and happy about it. You should too. You are an admirable person and model DB'er. Love yourself!
The fact that you are making your way through all this w/o relying on a partner for support is making you stronger. You have learned a lot about yourself, and what true love really means for you. You will continue to learn more. You don't want to jump into a relationship too soon... be content on your own for a while.
If you are at peace with the terms of settlement then that's all that matters. Hugs (and one little kiss)
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
If you are at peace with the terms of settlement then that's all that matters.
I like this.
Dont be sad Tori. I do completely relate to how you feel. I do the same thing sometimes (when I see families together with mom and dad complete). But like FY said:
The fact that you are making your way through all this w/o relying on a partner for support is making you stronger.
You are a superstar Tori. Dont ever forget that and dont let ANYONE take what you have done for yourself, away from you. Its all yours.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Ruby and GTO, thank you for the hugs! I really needed them! FY, the little kiss is a nice extra perk :-)
Busting, your kind words are always comforting.
I am always OK doing things on my own. But church alone on Easter wasn't the best idea. You live you learn.
Also, you are 100% right about not jumping into any R too soon. My H is an example. We were supposed to do taxes on Saturday, and he emailed me that he had to cancel and could we do them "remotely." I replied asking if it was the woman who had said he could not see me. He called and said that was the case. I asked him how he could've told me he "wanted to be free and not have to answer to anyone" and that's why he wanted a divorce even though I was "perfect on paper," and now he was involved with a woman who didn't even let him do taxes at the library. He said I was right, and that he'd had a very "unhealthy" conversation with the woman last night. She basically said that if we did taxes together, she was breaking up w him. Talk about controlling and insecure. So what my H was most afraid of is what he is attracting into his life: control. He said he knows this might not be the R for him but he wants to "explore it" more, so he asked for options to do the taxes. I said there was no option but to do them together. I could be flexible and do them during the week at lunch time, I said. He said he would think about it and let me know.
Oh, and I said that it was the woman's issue if she was so insecure, and that this is what she got for dating a married man. He said the D was supposed to be finalized in January. I said it wasn't. He said I was right.
I think he says I am right to pacify me. He always did it in the past. Whatever.
I was SO ANGRY! I still AM!
Need to read my own book again to help myself. Isn't that funny?
These OW's...I dont get it. My H's OW is also very controlling with threats...to the point that H has chosen her several times over his children. I just dont get the running towards someone that is so controlling when they claimed thats what they feel suffocated from. I think it emphasizes how lost they are....That is not an attempt to push him (them) down in order to make you (us) feel better.... right now...it just is what it is....Anyway---she (they) are neither here nor there. And it is ok to be angry Tori. Own it and let it go. I am sure you know why you are angry. Let it pass through you. You know how. And you also know that this is all a reflection of him and and where he is. It has nothing to do with you and who you are. ((((( )))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
She basically said that if we did taxes together, she was breaking up w him. Talk about controlling and insecure. So what my H was most afraid of is what he is attracting into his life: control. He said he knows this might not be the R for him but he wants to "explore it" more,
Wow, an ultimatum from the OW, and he fell in line!
So sad that H cannot see that their illicit relationship is almost certain to crash. Inevitably, he WILL one day regret throwing away the catch of his life... YOU!!!
Quote:
I was SO ANGRY! I still AM!
Understandable, and you have every right to be. But continue to stick to the high road, it's very becoming on you!
This doesn't mean you can't enjoy listening to Carrie Underwood's "Before he Cheats"!
I know you will coninue to be strong and find peace and love.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Thank you, Busting and FY for coming to the rescue.
My H is already learning his lessons--the hard way. He emailed me to ask if we could meet at his office on Friday. I said yes, but could not resist adding: "Today, I feel especially blessed to be the master of my own life!" And I do. I am free because I understood I don't need my H to be happy. I don't need anyone believing that they own me to be complete.
This thread already has a lot of replies, so I will start a new one:
