Seeking the support of this great community...

[Incandenza]

Thanks for the kind words everyone.

Her specific complaints about the marriage, thus far, have been varied. One, she says I am emotionally distant. Next, she says I don't keep up with my fair share of household duties including childcare. Also, she says that I am incapable of change. Complicating things are a few superimposed situations--she is strongly attracted to a co-worker who she shares and office with, and while she says that this is an unreciprocated attraction, it is distracting her from our relationship nontheless. Also, she recently got accepted into a PhD program. The bomb came only a week or so after her acceptance letter; the timing couldn't be more suspect. She says that being a "single parent" will be better for our daughter than being in a loveless house.

My response is that our house is very loving, but I will be happy to do what it takes to make it better.

I had no idea she was so far gone!

So far, I have tried a lot of things. We have had the long, drawn-out fights, as well as some long, seemingly productive conversations. I have written letters, e-mails, and texts. A few weeks ago we had a discussion about my part around the house (looking back now, this was clearly a prelude to what was to come, but I didn't see it at the time), and she said basically that I wasn't pulling my weight, so I made a huge effort to do more housework. She said at one point that I was doing a great job with regards to that, but the day that she dropped the bomb, she told me that all the stuff I've been doing around the house and with our daughter has only shown her of her own resolve. She says I'm just throwing myself into this to save us, and as soon as she agrees to work on it, I will go back to my old ways. She believes I am incapable of change.

After I got DR, I realized that I need to stop going down cheese-less alleys--I'm done with the clinginess, the need for constant communication, which I can see is paradoxically pushing her away. I think the improved work on the home front is a good change and one that I need to make for myself regardless, so I intend to continue that regardless. But I've been trying to cut out as much communication as possible except that directly related to our daughter. I can sense that this might be having an effect. I've been working pretty hard on radio silence for the past couple days and today she actually sent me a text asking me basically if I had been home because she thought something in the house had changed while she was napping. (I was at work the whole time, nothing had changed). She finished the text with "I thought we might have missed you for some reason." I don't know why but I take that as a small positive sign that my absence and decrease in communication has been noted. Maybe I'm just scouring over every interaction for clues.

At any rate, I have an appt with Chuck on Tuesday morning. I can't wait. I'm really eager to speak with him for a little more guidance... I feel adrift right now.

Thanks everyone.