I think we can never really know the true nature of their R with OW, but I am sure it is not as great and wonderful as they make it out to be.
When reading your post today, I thought of this from the hero's spouse -
"Alienators obsess about the wife. They are jealous and afraid of you.
I now know this to be the case - in fact (and I do have an xh who can be up there with urworthy's xh) my xh told me once rather grumpily that his continued strong feelings for me had wrecked his chance of happiness with OW1!! I kid you not. He certainly didn't display any very strong feelings towards me.
The woman was a freaking nightmare. She knew she had interfered in a very strong family unit, and boy did it eventually backfire on her. But these OW do have a strong hold that can take many years to fully dislodge
