I still think of everyone who I met on this Forum and remain grateful for your support.
It has been two months since I last posted an update. I am doing really good.
Divorce process has moved quicker than anticipated even though H stalled when he received the service papers/petition in the post. He couldn't bring himself to open the envelope for over a fortnight. I have applied for the decree nisi a week ago so when that is through I just have to wait 6wks and a day to apply for absolute.
We still haven't done anything about joint assets. I couldn't handle putting the house on the market at the same time as I started the divorce process but intend to make a start on that next week so that everything is agreed before applying for the absolute.
I don't really think of H at all and have no interest in seeing him or being buddies - we haven't seen each other since the night we went to the cinema in October. We communicate by text/email and only about admin matters.
Emotionally, I am surprised at where I am but I guess most of my grieving for my marriage happened during the two years of attempting to reconcile.
Things are still great with newman. We are still taking things slow. I feel very safe and able to be my self around him. I continue to learn to own and express my needs/feelings - something that I stopped doing in my R with H very early on.
I check in on my self regularly and if something doesn't feel right, I raise my hand. This is occuring across all areas of my life. E.g a couple of weeks ago I took a woman aside at work that has always appeared to have issues with me and asked her how we could improve our working relationship because things clearly weren't right and I found her attitude to be upsetting. She admitted she didn't like me and knew she was cruel to me in meetings - we agreed to try other ways of being around each other. I am realising my value/self worth, I guess.
My biggest realisation is that for a long time I watched my H for a sign he was coming back/going to love me like I thought he did in the early days instead of looking at what was right in front of me and what he was actually doing. Now my eyes are firmly on me. I remain grateful for this journey as I have learned so much about me for having gone through it.
