Thanks for all your great advice. For the most part, it didnt go too bad, but I wish i got your advice before the day!!
Arrived at the wedding and my W was already there in amongst our friends. SAid hi to everyone and when i finally got to her, I just said hi and she extended herself for a kiss on the cheek. It was an awkward moment as we havent made that kind of physical contact in months. I gave her a kiss and just asked a few questions about the boys to roll over the awkward moment.
The ceremony had me almost in tears, the whole explanation of love, the rings etc. Lucky i had my sunnies on. I held it together and my wife said to be having absolutely no difficulty and seemed to be enjoying the moment. After the ceremony i had to take a break call my sister and pull myself together.
Unfortunately, lots of friends asked how things were going and I gave them a little more info than required. W gave them a nice an brief break down and gave them more detail. Silly.
I should have used the great lines you suggested. I noticed my wife talking a lot and socialising and enjoying the booze. She is always a great socialiser and can talk to anyone. It took me a few drinks to relax into the evening and I overheard my wife explaining to others how we had separated and we were now just trying to make it easy for the boys.
I spoke with her a few times towards the end and kept the conversation light and tried to smile and have a good time, but she was a much better actor than me. But i wondered, maybe she isnt acting and she has accepted the situation and is getting on with life. This could actually be the case as her resolve and her brave face never faulted. We went out after the wedding and I joined a small group of friends and her for one final drink and left. I could tell she was already pretty drunk and probably wanted to keep going.
So after a terrible nights sleep, i then met up with W to pick up kids the next day. Saw her family, they are still really nice to me but her parents are a little withheld which i can understand.
On the way home I realised that the marriage is over, W has made her mind up and I understand and empathise with her fear of getting back with me. Her resolve and focus are just much too strong and the look in her eyes and the way she looks at me, I cannot see how things will change. My behaviour at various points of last year was terrible and she has justified that she no longer needs to put up with it.
I decided to take my ring off this evening, it doesnt feel exactly right but its symbollic to me as a way to accept that i do not see how my wife could ever change her mind and that it feels like there is too much distance between us to reconcile and fall in love again. THis does not stop me from making more positive changes in my life and I am scared of getting stuck in mentality of thinking that we will get back together. The only way there could be any chance is if she had an epiphany and recognised her role in marriage breakdown. I dont see it happen.
You said it perfectly a few posts ago....EXPECT NOTHING. I read some stuff about the 5 stages of grief in divorce, and I guess i feel like i need to move beyond the denial and anger stages, through the depression phase and onto acceptance.
I will keep reading through posts on this website and I am picking up my DR and DB next week, but I guess i have to face the facts now and realise it would take a miracle to piece this marriage together and I cant hold my breath and I need to move on, be a better me and GAL.
My journey continues.
Me - 37 W - 37 M -5 T - 15
S=5 S=3
Seperated - 12/12 BD - 20/03/13 Still seperated - no R or M talk yet.
