My WAW - coming to terms with it all!

[25yearsmlc]

So today my wife and I are going to a close friends wedding. This will be interesting to say the least.
She is currently away with her family and she arrives this afternoon but i dont imagine there will be any contact until we see each other at the wedding. This all feels so weird.
I dont have any reall strategy other than leaving her alone and if she wants to talk to me, then be friendly.
A lot of ours friends are just finding out about us so it will feel like there will be a lot of eyes on us which is a little strange.
Anyway, I plan to control my alcohol intake, look the sharpest and best i have ever looked and try not to make a big deal out of it all.

I would give yourself a specific limit on how much...like no more than 2 drinks. I mean it. I am sure you're a big guy and all, but the emotions MUST be in check for this event. I'd take NO chances...

and remember the day is more about your friend's marriage than your possible divorce. Please show up for THEM, and assume your wife is doing the same...

Good luck...and YES look your best. Look happy for your friend too...even if it is hard. It's what good close friends do.

I just cant help but feel that this big strong front that my wife is putting on is not real and that she really must be pretty sad underneath. Her aunty just died, our marriage is breaking apart and now we have to go and face all of our friends this afternoon. No one can be that brave and strong, i just hope that she has a good way out letting out her pain and venting so that she doesnt bottle it all up.


Aside from mind reading that deflects from what you ought to be doing which is YOUR WORK and YOUR GAL,

she is also NOT your responsibility right now. She never was within your control and certainly is not now so there is NO point in wondering...

You and your choices are all you have to worry about right now...so

focus on how YOU are GAL and moving forward, (never to be confused with giving up)..

Here goes....

.. Be ready to tell friends who ask, something upbeat that you are doing. Talk about some GAL things you are doing (even if they are still in the 'planning" stages...)

Don't bring others down at a wedding...No tearful scenes please. It takes from the wedding party what ought to be THEIR day...and it makes the road home, harder for your wife.

You want to Keep the Road Home, Paved & Smooth...remember that.

BUT IF & ONLY

someone presses you, about the situation, then talk about

how you are, in fact, facing a "marital challenge, BUT..." you are "hopful that it'll sort itself out" and then you ask them about THEIR Lives...

AND OR

if someone comes out and asks you if you are divorcing, you can say "I sure hope not"

AND OR if they say they heard you were divorcing,

concede you're facing a "marital challlenge" or "hit a really rough spot, not sure how it'll go BUT you remain hopeful" and again

change topics/ask them about THEIR lives and if they are pushy and or borderline rude (Or if they have had too much to drink)

mention how you really want to be supportive for the bride and groom...and "help them celebrate, like good friends are supposed to do..."

Other possible answers...

"Hope not, b/c we've loved each other/been together, a long time"...

"it's been hard but so much of it has been good, I'll never regret marrying her..."
(even if you don't feel that way, at a WEDDING, that is what you say)

RE SEEING YOUR WIFE--

if your wife confronts you, or if she seems overtly acting awkward, or worried,

maybe take her aside and just agree (in advance if possible)

not to mention things being so "strained" between you, for the sake of the friend's special day...

Do not do it in a way that "assigns blame" to her.

Be clear that your goal is about you wanting to reassure HER that you're fine for the day and she need not worry that you will be emotional...

and if she "acts happy" she may be doing it for the friend's sake. It's the right thing to do, remember?

(IMO, no one should mind read or "interpret" others behavior, at a friend's wedding...)

YOU want to have some fun and you know you both could use some (your wife has had a rough time lately, so why not ENJOY this wonderful party your friends are having?)

AND truly, you both ought to have some fun at your friend's joyful day.

I doubt she'll insist on announcing something or "making sure" no one is confused about your r...

b/c she'll get that it's NOT about her feelings or wanting out of the marriage...not that day.

That day, that time,

is about you both being close friends of people who are celebrating their brave, daring leap into marriage.

I think you can both rise above it.

I know I had to at my brother's wedding. My h acted all happy and go lucky...I wanted to throw a drink in his face...but alas, my dress was expensive and he had a tux on...

I cannot over emphasize how important it is, that you NOT drink too much...(hey, drown your sorrows LATER...or celebrate a great time...LATER....)

but keep those emotions in check. Show restraint and control over YOURSELF and don't worry about others problems...they're not yours.

GOOD LUCK!!

PS

have some fun!




ps

OH NO!!!!!...

I just read that you are going TODAY!!

So unless you live far West of me, or they are marrying REALLY late... I'm too late. Yikes...sorry...

Well, maybe there's a nugget in there for other social settings you'll find yourself in...(there will be more)

or maybe someone else will benefit.

Hope it went alright!!!