Been here 5 years and a new tough situation

[whitneypinch]

5 years post bomb.
I have 2 kids (8 & 10).
I do EVERYTHING with my kids and LOVE being a dad. We travel all over and do so many great experiences together. I am extremely close with my kids. They give me the greatest joy and meaning in my life.

XW and I get along really well.
She has always been very clear with me she has no interest in us.
In her words; "I can't give you the love you would like".
I have not dated anyone in the 5 years.

Last week she announced to the kids and I that she is in a serious relationship.
The kids and I had no idea.
My kids were devastated. I was numb.
They voiced their concerns for how their dad would take it and my XW did not like that.
She wrote me a firm letter explaining the kids should never have to carry around further pain because of their dad being upset (hurt). She was right.
Instead of reacting in a defensive way, to the letter (as I usually do), I completely agreed with her and said I would make sure I showed the kids strength and a positive attitude.
To my shock, my XW wrote the nicest letter back to me. Saying she was sorry for any pain she has caused the kids and to me. She went on to say what a wonderful father I am, what great parents we are etc.
Then she signed it with ((((hugs))))

A few days later I picked the kids up at her house. She was positive and asked me for a hug. She held on tight and didn't want to let go.
Then when I went to leave with the kids she gave me another hug and put her head into my neck and kissed my neck.

She has never done ANYTHING I mentioned above in 5 years since the bomb !

As I walked down the drive with my kids I held back the tears to show a positive, strong front to the kids.

It's had for us as humans to not try to read hope into such actions.
More than likely it's guilt she is feeling for the pain she is causing to her kids and I.

I write this so that some of you know that even when you have a good situation with your X its still extremely painful.

I guess I should start trying to untangle our situation a bit. We have done things together with the kids and are in constant contact. It's just TOO painful for me knowing she is now with someone in a serious relationship.

Just feeling awful right now.
Thank god the kids are with me for a fun filled weekend right now.

Yes, I know this posting is focussed on what my XW is doing. I have lots on the go but this past week it has been focussed on XW due to the major news dropped on us.