Charting a New Course

[25yearsmlc]

25,

I hear you. It's just an ingredient. And you're right. It makes no difference to me. My course stays the same. I just hope that some day she comes back to herself.

Okay...fair enough but since we ALL change/grow or evolve we also have to adapt...right?

Spent pretty much the whole day with her today. It actually went pretty well. A few opportunities arose when during conversation, she would stab me for stuff from the past. It's like she wants to remind me of things just to make sure I don't forget what I did. I know it's just her expression of just how much she was hurt by me.

great insight. Have you mentioned the desire to look to the future "from this day forward" or do you feel it's too soon? (I still say the person who put those words into our marriage vows was a genius).

A couple of things I did differently today:

Last night, I moved back into our bedroom. Today I asked her what she thought about it.



yet more r talk, and more temperature taking and since she had not said anything when you were there, that means she did NOT want to discuss it. Back off...!

She didn't say anything. She just made some sort of sound kinda like hmmm. I didn't ask again. She didn't ask me to move back out. I'll take it as a good sign.


and say no more, please...Actions (or lack thereof) speak louder than words. Stop asking and needing her approval or feedback. When you keep asking, it is as if You want to cement a decision from her when she is NOT sure how she feels... OR maybe she thinks she feels okay about it OR wants to but has fears... but by pushing for more- you may get a lot less.

.


We spent a lot of time shopping today, and it was a perfect opportunity to live my new code. My new code says its not about me, it's about others. My wife included. I express my opinion when asked. I have no expectations. If others want something different, that's what I'm happy with.


as long as you are authentically saying your opinions and then being able to adapt, that's great. Someday, not now but someday, you'll be better able to make sure your own needs are met...so don't put yourself into a position of being a martyr and then building resentment or a sense of entitlement. Okay?


Today, I made lots of physical contact with my wife. She never pulled away. I know that this is one of her languages of love. It was one thing she expressed to me verbally when we first started having problems. She told me that she still wanted hugs, kisses and physical touch from me.

SO glad she communicated this^^ to you AND you listened and changed accordingly...wow, it's like it's working!!

Things got worse and we both started feeling uncomfortable with it. Today, I turned it back on and I met no resistance. That was good.

yes it is

I know that this is small. It may not mean anything. She may have wanted it, or she may have just been tolerating it. all i know is she didn't pull away. i expect now that she will probably do as the other WAS's have done and pull back.


maybe yes, maybe no. Do NOT go farther than before, or retreat until if and when you see where things go...

but see if the same actions yield similar results...and stay there for a bit so you can both adjust.

A lot of the time, as soon as the guy gets a green light for holding hands, which is EMOTIONALLY comforting to a woman, he'll see it as a green light to a whole lot more...and that can be emotionally threatening to an emotionally wounded woman.

Take your time...let her feel relaxed and safe with the new you. let her trust that you want HER as your mate and friend before you go to the lust part...make sense? She felt mistreated and by your description, it was not insane of her. So you are repairing that...okay?



As I write this, she is headed out with her friends again. It's 9pm. They will more than likely be out until the clubs close. I'm here at home with our two girls. I have a choice to make. Will I choose to obsess about my wife, or will I choose to hold my head high, believe in myself and what I am and have to offer someone as a mate and friend and father.

I choose the latter.

I hope the rest of you all do the same.

exactly....and when you KNOW for sure, truly, that you have become the best Pathfinder you can become

and that your changes are sincere, authentic AND PERMANENT,

then hold your head high and go in peace.

Leave the results up to God.