Back to the picnic

[keep_going]

sometimes i wish i could just sit here quietly with an air of confidence that i am the better choice and carry on a friendship with my X based on that... i have tried at times but honestly have not been able to, i am not sure if that is an area of growth for me or if it is just not ever going to be me.

((((((NG)))))
I can so relate to what you are feeling ^^^^^. I have asked myself this as well. But if I change my POV a bit, I can say - So what if I am not able to get to that point of confidence in knowing that I am the better choice for my H.
Perhaps I will never be able to be friends with him. Should that be my end goal? Isn't that keeping the focus on HIM?

On the other hand, perhaps I am not the better choice for him after all and perhaps it will always be painful to be around him.

I don't have the answer now and if I dwell on it, I will feel worse. It's hard, but it's part of acceptance and loving myself and being OK with where I am at at this point.

i think it is natural to miss our SO when we are feeling and facing pain. those unhealed parts of ourselves can really come up during our sitches and create great pain but also great opportunities for healing. i am hoping that i get through the missing today to get to the healing.

Yes! You are so right! I sometimes wonder why it still hurts so much, but your focus is dead on. It should be an opportunity for growth. I want to heal and sometimes I beat myself up for not being completely healed, but that is ok. You are ok and have come a long way, don't you think? The word patience has taken on a different meaning for me. I am no longer thinking about patience re. my sitch with my H and healing our R; I am thinking about having patience with myself to go through my healing process at my own pace - no pressures, no timelines.

(((((((((NG))))))))))))