Mana, Mana! Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo! Part 2

[keep_going]

Hi Tallula,

I came to offer my support - I am so sorry you find yourself in this aweful situation. I have not posted much, but know that I always follow your situation and read all your posts.

I just want to remind you of how strong you are and how far along you have come. Just letting all this crappy stuff sink in, settle down and really think about what you will do is solid proof of your amazing changes.

In a way, this latest development will give you the certainty of your next steps. You can now focus 100% on what's most important right now without the distractions of the ambiguity with your H. You can drop the rope for now, let him deal with his life drama on his own, maintain your boundaries and focus on you.

Your baby will be here shortly, so get any pending things prepared for him. Figure out your support group and daily routine with your family. I would also suggest to really think carefully about the role you want your H to play in all of this - birth, first few days, first few weeks, etc. Once you figure out what YOU need, you can have a talk with him and set clear custody/visitation arrangements for the kids and the baby. If you need time away from him, enlist the help of your relatives to do the kid exchange - nothing wrong with that.

I am so sorry about your financial situation too - I am in a very, very similar boat - separation and divorce usually wrecks havoc on the family finances, but for some of us, it can simply be a disaster. I have been slowly making decisions and sacrifices that while painful, have been necessary to stay afloat. I know you will do whatever it takes to take care of your family financially - you are that strong. I am glad you are talking to an agent now. Find out what's needed and what you could expect out of the sale. While the timing for it is bad, you will be able to make plans if indeed you decide to sell your home.

Our situations are eerily similar in many ways - T. I just want to tell you that no matter how bleak it looks right now, everything will work out. The most important thing is to fight our tendency to focus on Hs, try to please others and stay focused on us and our kids. I also find that my ability to accept and ASK for others' help has been huge for me to survive what is probably the most challenging time of my life. That has not been easy for me, but I know I would have not made it alone.

Finally, try to not let all of this gunk and your H's actions ruin what is one of the most joyous experiences of your life. I am not going to tell you that it won't be bittersweet, but you are still a blessed woman and you and your kids deserve to experience a wonderful time welcoming your baby boy. For me, doing it without my H was probably the hardest, most painful part of all of this, but I made it and almost two years later, I can tell you, that my H is the one who missed out.

YOU CAN DO THIS. Don't forget that.

(((((((Tallula))))))))))