Thanks PF. It really is a bad time. Hope your sitch is getting better.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
FM, I'm sorry it's come to this but I do think you have to take care of yourself first and foremost. That said, I will echo what AS said about the anger...also hearing some self-pity and blame.
Your W clearly has some deep issues she's going to have to work thru in her own way and in her own time. She's broken, and probably has been a long long time. Where's your compassion for her?
What about the things you are working on? Has that all gone to the wayside, or are you still working on those things? How's your progress? Detaching seems like it's still an issue.
You do realize that your W's actions don't control you right? She can't make you angry, unless you allow it. She can't make you sad, unless you allow it.
I know this is tough...hang in there, but don't lose sight of your issues.
That makes a lot of sense BD. thanks. I have had compassion but that was rebuffed many many times. I am angry, yes but also do feel sorry for her in that she is struggling. She cares not a crap about my feelings so that is what I must detach from. The kids are a angry with me today as I did not get their mother anything for her birthday today from them. I had asked them for 2 weeks and they ignored it until this morning. My d14 went to the store herself this morning and got a card and some earrings. All I could do was explain that this is a good responsibility they are learning to do things on their own. They are giving me guilt like their mom does. Learned behaviour I guess. I took them shopping at Christmas and spent a lot of money for their mom on gifts from them and I had to drag them there...they did not want to go. I was also told by the counsellor that I should leave it up to the girls to think of gifts. They did not share with me until this morning what they wanted to get. My friends, family, lawyer and counsellor said I did the right thing. Why do I feel crappy about it?
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
Sometimes teaching our children responsibility is hard. Try to do so with a soft touch....remind them, love them, model the behavior you want them to demonstrate down the line.
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
Floyd am still here with you. Remember that we need to act and respond from genuine places. Sometimes it means digging deeper than at other times. But always make it a place that reflects who FM truely is.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Thanks Busting....I ended up getting a pendant that d10 told me this afternoon she wanted to get her mom. They can give it to her when they get home. I let d14 know about it. She is very thankful!
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
Boy did I just get some beautiful hugs and kisses from my daughters. They are so thankful. They are giving the gift to her now. Am I a sap?
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
