I think your note to your h was perfect. I hope that he will reconsider and attend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
No reponse yet and I dont think he will send one this weekend. He is with the girls at his parents house for easter.
I want his approval because I want him to love me because I don't love myself.
Wow that was very cathartic writing that I dont love myself. But you know what I am getting there.
All the steps I have taken through this program, have made me more comfortable with myself. I definitely have been doing better networking at work and just have been a million times more comfortable in my own skin.
My h lack of response is so predictable. He gets so angry if things are not planned his way but he has no idea how to deal with it, it all stays bottled up inside.
Last night when I called to talk to the girls and he was at his parents house. He was joking with them "no girls you can have milk or water, you can't have daddys beer"
I know I am reading too much into it but he know I think he has a drinking problem why does he mention alcohol. He has made these jokes before. It's really not funny any more
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
I want his approval because I want him to love me because I don't love
Wow BK. That's really an amazing revelation. Just my two cents but you should get to know yourself and learn to love yourself. From what I've seen you are pretty awesome. I think you need to show yourself that you are worth loving and maybe then you won't WANT your H. You will know you deserve more.
As far as him not responding to you that's just passive/aggressive behavior at it's finest. I know, my H does it a lot. Then has the audacity to accuse me of being passive aggressive.
Hang in there sweetpea.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Bklyn, I really hope I did not upset you by asking that question. I would never want that.
I asked because I can tell how you feel about yourself because I felt the same way.
And I know you dont see what an extraordinary person you are and what an amazing mother you are, too.
You know, most people in our situation would just say, he doesnt want to be married, screw him. It takes someone special to fight for their family, B. It does.
My xh was very controlling. He was very negative and never satisfied. That's who he was and I accepted it because I loved him.
But by the time the bomb dropped, I was very small. I felt like I just could not measure up to what he wanted. No matter what I did.
It took years of work for me to realize that I was worthy. I was ok. I was lovable, and kind and smart and I was a good person. I had friends and family who loved me and a son who adored me.
And I dont want it to take years for you to realize it.
Sweetie, you dont need his approval. You dont even need his love. You may want it, but, you dont need it.
The single most important person that we need to love us is ourselves. No one else can measure our worth.
B, you are kind and smart and lovable, a good mother and a good person.
I was not upset at all that you asked me to look at myself. I have known for sometime now how deeply I resented myself, but it really helped to articulate it.
These posting really helped me take another step this weekend forward to the light. I also began reading a book about a mom whose kids died of Tay Sachs and that has been inspiring. Then I took a yoga class where the teacher talked about why a lotus flower is so symbolic - its because the roots are so deep under the muck and dirt of the pond it takes a couple of years for it really grab hold until it blooms.
All this was inspiring until my kids came home from their weekend with dad and my in laws and I found out his girl friend went with them. This is not the first time but it stabbed me like a knife.
What makes them (H & girlfriend) think its okay to place house with my kids, to drive in her car like a family, to tuck my kids in at night, to put them in their pjs, to spend easter hunting for eggs with them Is this normal?
So for the first time, I say something. He comes back in with the last load from the car, I hurry up his goodbyes with the girls and while he is on the front stoop.
I tell him that I problem with driving companion. He asks me if we maybe we should meet and talk about it. I said no I dont want to talk about this, you have clearly decided this is okay for your children and this is not okay for your kids, but there is nothing to talk about.
I didnt yell or lose it.
Once the door was closed I broke down and cried to my girls. I said a million things I shouldnt have to them. I told them daddy wanted to be married to Jess and not to me, I told them Daddy loved Jess and not their mommy.
I wanted to tell them Jess is an a$$hole home wrecker but I left that out.
In the mist of my breakdown to my girls, I called my parents to come over, which was smart. I knew I needed help.
I dont understand how his girlfriend can go into work, with people I know and tell them she spent a weekend, easter with my kids and my in laws and my husband and people think this is okay. That no tells her she is an a$$hole. She goes on acting like she is such a nice girl.
I hate the idea of these too playing house with my kids. I hate that. I want to call this b!tch and tell her never to touch my children. I want to call her and tell that she is home wrecker.
The worst thing that my H did was get me to believe that this was all my fault. He made me think I was crazy.
I am not crazy and I deserve better. So do my girls.
PS. So so glad I am gonna have the best princess party ever!
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
