Busting, you do sound very wise. I'm also happy to hear you had positive thoughts about the future. Bring those thoughts to the present too. You have so much to offer and I'm sure you're touching the lives of many people in a positive way.
Hi Busting, I heard this poem today and thought of all of us, and you particularly:
Clearing by Martha Postlewaite Do not try to save the whole world or do anything grandiose. Instead, create a clearing in the dense forest of your life and wait there patiently, until the song that is your life falls into your own cupped hands and you recognize and greet it. Only then will you know how to give yourself to this world so worth of rescue.
Love you sweet lady. (((((((((((((((((busting)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Thank you Tori and NG. I am definitely bringing the positive thoughts to the here and now. And NG, the poem is so moving and so fitting. Thank you for thinking about me. I enjoy poetry even though I don't read it very often.
Well, I had the talk with H about parenting (I came to the table with my thoughts prepared on paper. I wanted to to stay focused, and I had a feeling he was going to bring up my statement about not being able to do this anymore, that I had told him a few nights back).
Without getting into the minute details, the long and the short of it was that I think I managed to without judgement, state that while I can respect his choices, I do not necessarily agree with them. I have no intention of being an obstacle in his relationship with the kids. That I believe him being away from us (him living in another country) is not conducive to the emotional well being of the children and is an obstacle to his relationship with them. And finally, that his perceived inability to communicate with me in a healthy way ,does not encourage dialogue between us about the kids and their well being (he got defensive here...and I stood up for myself...I was not going to let him make me believe that the way he communicates with me is done in a respectful manner).
And I stated again that it doesn't work for us anymore. I am done, and have let him go. I stated that I love him, we miss him and he completes us as a family. I apologized for my role in the demise of the M, realised that I used to engage in very destructive behaviour when I was emotional (shaming, etc). I apologised for being selfish because I expected him to take care of me, when what I have learned is that I needed to take care of me, so that I could take care of my family. And while I wouldn't go through this again, I was thankful for the journey I was placed on.
With regards to the kids, I have different values that I am bringing them up on. Values I thought we both shared, but seemingly do not. I want to them to grow up being able to love even if they are not getting anything in return, and with the courage to dig deep if they have to.
I am not waiting for him to live. In fact I am living better than I ever have. I have found peace and while I still am learning and growing and experience anxiety at times, I am for the most part at peace. And I did that. I did it by myself, without him, its all mine.
I was strangely calm. This morning I felt so good. I put some music on, started to dance and thanked God for getting me through this..I survived it. (i also had some tears while this was happening so I probably looked crazy). I did it. And no one can take that from me. H cant ever take that away from me. I felt so free.
I hope this lasts. I know this is not over. And I know I could be on an artificial high. Yet, I feel something has shifted within me.
Lets see what the new day brings. Love you friends xxx
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I am not waiting for him to live. In fact I am living better than I ever have. I have found peace and while I still am learning and growing and experience anxiety at times, I am for the most part at peace. And I did that. I did it by myself, without him, its all mine.
I was strangely calm. This morning I felt so good. I put some music on, started to dance and thanked God for getting me through this..I survived it. (i also had some tears while this was happening so I probably looked crazy). I did it. And no one can take that from me. H cant ever take that away from me. I felt so free.
AWESOME!!!!! Good for you. I'm such a whimp my eyes teared up reading this. I imagined you dancing smiling and crying, that's just plain awesome.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
lol thanks you subguy. Thats exactly what I was doing. I want to remember the feeling forever. ((((((((subguy))))))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Your last post gave me chills and teary/joyful eyes at the same time.
I am amazed at how far you have come in your journey! You have arrived at a new fork, it seems. And, are choosing a new and better path for yourself and your children.
I have to admit your words "I am done, and have let him go. I stated that I love him, we miss him and he completes us as a family," were so powerful to me. I could feel your strength in them. I hope to get to this place one day & to feel how you feel now.
Thank you for sharing your journey!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Busting, You are amazing. You have every right to celebrate your survival - it's much more than this, too, as you know. You have achieved a level of personal insight that few people ever manage.
And your words are so powerful and moving. I want to paste them here, again, because they are so right and true, and they will help us all:
"And I stated again that it doesn't work for us anymore. I am done, and have let him go. I stated that I love him, we miss him and he completes us as a family. I apologized for my role in the demise of the M, realised that I used to engage in very destructive behaviour when I was emotional (shaming, etc). I apologised for being selfish because I expected him to take care of me, when what I have learned is that I needed to take care of me, so that I could take care of my family. And while I wouldn't go through this again, I was thankful for the journey I was placed on. "
GTO and NLW, wow. Thank you so much for your words and support. I dont know what I would do without this place and all of you.
I really really have no clue what the near future holds. I know I just need to keep my focus, keep myself grounded and respond in ways that I decide, not that are provoked out of me.
So last night H texted (he is out of town again until tomorrow) asking about the kids (it was like 10 pm) Anyway, I didnt respond and then I thought, no. I will respond in a way I would to someone else that I casually know. Friendly, respectful and considerate. I do that for me.... and, why would I want to have someone, even H, feel the way he has made me feel with his ignoring and dismissive ways?
So I responded very politely, Hi H, glad you arrived safely. The kids are already asleep. My regards to your family.
I will continue on this path. For me.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
