I hear you. It's just an ingredient. And you're right. It makes no difference to me. My course stays the same. I just hope that some day she comes back to herself.
Spent pretty much the whole day with her today. It actually went pretty well. A few opportunities arose when during conversation, she would stab me for stuff from the past. It's like she wants to remind me of things just to make sure I don't forget what I did. I know it's just her expression of just how much she was hurt by me.
A couple of things I did differently today:
Last night, I moved back into our bedroom. Today I asked her what she thought about it. She didn't say anything. She just made some sort of sound kinda like hmmm. I didn't ask again. She didn't ask me to move back out. I'll take it as a good sign.
We spent a lot of time shopping today, and it was a perfect opportunity to live my new code. My new code says its not about me, it's about others. My wife included. I express my opinion when asked. I have no expectations. If others want something different, that's what I'm happy with.
Today, I made lots of physical contact with my wife. She never pulled away. I know that this is one of her languages of love. It was one thing she expressed to me verbally when we first started having problems. She told me that she still wanted hugs, kisses and physical touch from me. Things got worse and we both started feeling uncomfortable with it. Today, I turned it back on and I met no resistance. That was good.
I know that this is small. It may not mean anything. She may have wanted it, or she may have just been tolerating it. all i know is she didn't pull away. i expect now that she will probably do as the other WAS's have done and pull back.
As I write this, she is headed out with her friends again. It's 9pm. They will more than likely be out until the clubs close. I'm here at home with our two girls. I have a choice to make. Will I choose to obsess about my wife, or will I choose to hold my head high, believe in myself and what I am and have to offer someone as a mate and friend and father.
