Keeping the title, makes mama smile everytime I see it!!
So to recap a bit of the last section of that thread, I was not in fact, contemplating sex with H. I was concerned that having him stay in the house overnight could lead to another "slip" in that department. So, I have stated my boundaries...hands off the lovely preggo wife or you won't stay overnight again.
Now, he is actually going to stay over all weekend now. But, I am busy, busy until tomorrow night's egg dying family time. Honestly, it's easier for me not to have to pack up the kids junk to stay over for one night and then I don't have to deal with the dog either. I had to work today and daycare is closed. The only person I could find to watch the kids is my friend who lives 45 minutes away. So, he will get them and I had plans right after work and forgot to pack up their stuff. It's just easier. Tomorrow morning I sleep in, H will sleep in S3's room on the trundle. Go for a run, to an ala-non meeting, then a baby shower. H wants to go to the new church I've been going to on Easter, so that's cool.
It will also be great lesson for me in not being ON while H is in the home. That was one of the things I've realized I did while we were together. The kids always come to me for things because I allowed it. So, I just say "go ask your dad!" Novel concept.
So, boundaries IN PLACE! My mom is also a little mad that I'm spending easter with H and the kids. Our extended family is actually not doing anything this year, so there we go. I only have a mild case of anxiety over it, so that's growth. I would try to appease everyone and today, just deal. My family, my decisions.
I can't wait to see IC on Monday night!! Been a month, glad she is back from vacation.
Happy Easter DB family!!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Happy Easter Tallula !!! WOW, what made H decide to spend the weekend? What will you do in the evenings when kids are in bed?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Happy Easter Tallula !!! WOW, what made H decide to spend the weekend? What will you do in the evenings when kids are in bed?
Honestly, he'd probably move back in now if I let him. It was more my deal for him to move out. I said complete tranparency and defriend OW on FB or we separate. So, he asked if I'd be cool with him just staying the weekend. I have plans with my girlfriends tonight, so I'll come home and go to bed. We'll just play cards and/or watch a movie tomorrow night. We get along great now. Like before DB, which is why I made the boundary of no touchy feely with the wifey.
I would not blame you for not reading up on my sitch, but our R really only hit some bumps in March of last year. And even H has said that if it wasn't for his penchant for cheating, we wouldn't be anywhere near a D. It would have been a blip and no problem. That's the hard part about all of this. We each have things to work on, but for the most part we have had a great M. This person that H has transformed into since May of last year is completely new. He would never have gone 2 weeks with barely seeing his kids even 5-8 months ago. It's sad.
I am grateful for many things that have come from BD. I'm working on some of my issues, people pleasing, controling. Since I became a mom, I lost a bit of me. I'm finding that side again and it's awesome. My only hope for him is that he can grow from this. I just think it will get worse before it gets better. But pain is the touchstone for most spiritual growth...which means if I keep chosing to trudge ahead, I'm in for some serious growing. This is certainly painful!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
"That's the hard part about all of this. We each have things to work on, but for the most part we have had a great M."
Oh, and to expound a bit...I mean, great M, except unknown to me he was cheating on me in the first 4 years. Yea, except that part. I still believe that I truly haven't processed that one.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Is this specifically what he is in IC for? Sorry if you has written about this before and I missed it. It does seem positive though that he is trying to work on himself....
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Is this specifically what he is in IC for? Sorry if you has written about this before and I missed it. It does seem positive though that he is trying to work on himself....
Yes, it is. We both see the same IC and she is our MC. We don't do MC at all now. We have only been twice together, and one was simply to tell him my boundaries or we separate.
I guess the positive is that he does know that he is the problem here. Yes, he can still try to focus on "are we right for each other", and OW helps take the focus off himself. But, in his most lucid moments, he knows he is the problem. It really is sad. Last thursday he said he has an amazing life. Great wife, kids, job, etc. But, he is miserable and can't act how he desparately wants to act. One of my biggest fears is that he will end up killing himself like his father did. But, today I won't let that fear hold me back from living my life how I need to. It's really, really sad. Living with someone who was so abused and seeing the aftermath, it's horrible. And OW has a similar backstory, so I know that is a bond with them.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
As an outsider looking in, and from the experience of my own sitch and H, it seems positive that he acknowledges he has a problem. Most WAS don't seem to be able to...at least in the beginning.
I am glad that you are not letting that fear hold you back right now. And yes, I think they find OP's that are as broken as they are themselves. I guess it helps validate their issues.
I hope you have a wonderful weekend with your family Tallula. So much love to you.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
"And yes, I think they find OP's that are as broken as they are themselves. I guess it helps validate their issues."
Yeah, and then I spin about having this totally crazy, drama filled woman in my kids lives. Or that I don't want a revolving door of woman, cause this R has trouble written all over it. If she doesn't know he is playing us both, she will figure it out eventually. Just have to back off and realize that we aren't there yet.
Have a good one too!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
No, you are not there yet...no reason to borrow trouble from the future. Although I completely relate to the spinning of having crazy OW woman in my kids lives!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
