we own a biz - pt 4

[Tallula]

Maybe you haven't read far enough in. There is a section for small goals. Example from early in my sitch:

-H and I to interact and laugh
I need to back off all R talks, be carefree, in the moment. Act "as if". Work on doing all 37 rules and 180s

-For us to hug
Back off all physical tounching. Don't be needy

These are 2 things I remember being goals and the things I was going to work on to do my part in achieving them as far as my H went. The first one only took a week or so once I made interacting with me "safe". Meaning he knew I wasn't going to bring up the R. Even now, I never bring it up. If we talk about the future, it's him bringing it up and I don't say much about my feelings, just validate his. The hugs took maybe a month. I still let him hug me. What is funny is that he would hug me and come in for a kiss and I'd kiss him on the mouth and he would say he was going for my cheek. Now, it's the opposite. I move so he can kiss my cheek and he said he was going for the mouth. But, I have OW in my sitch.

-Don't react when H "pokes" to start a fight.
Think before I speak, react less!!

-LISTEN
Repeat what H says while he is talking. Don't think of what I want to say.

Hope this helps.