Well, regretfully so I filed to the court for D yesterday and she was served. I don't think there was a choice here. Our meeting with the L's last week was a mess. She lied and lied and lied. Apparently her lawyer did not know of her affair and several other related issues that are key to the mess and her abuse towards me. They have 30 days to respond to the application. The application needed to be clear. She and her L had been threatening to bring to court since Oct. and last week was clear of their intent when we could not agree on custody schedule. Enough waiting we thought and filed. All the nasty stuff had to be included in the filing. I really don't think W grasps this is now public record unless withdrawn. Although I am going against my principles, my conscience is clear in that it needed to be done. The cruelty was too much. Although she was served yesterday to her L, I don't think she has read the pleadings. She won't like it, but it is the truth and not even everything that could have been. My L says most of the other stuff gets played out in responses and trial if it goes that far. W wanted to litigate so this is what it comes to sadly for everyone but L's. W could have settled fairly without it going public. She held all the cards and choices. Ball is in their court...pun fully intended. Sad state of things and kids will be in the middle. There is a lot of money missing and not full disclosure on W part. Court will also force us to go to reconciliation seminar separtatly. This is law here in Ontario. Seems more like a formality than any effect. Mine is scheduled for April 9. Court date won't be booked until we have both done it.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
As a practising Catholic I felt I was going against both my principles and the church's. I spoke with a couple priests and my Pastor especially several times at length over the past year and they are okay with the situation in that it seems there is no choice at this point. My pastor has been a big source of support for me. He is saddened and knows my family. We have also discussed Annulment. My W has not been to church in almost a year and has lost faith in everything. Tomorrow is her 46th B-day. She is getting what she wants...a D. There were so many other choices for help but she would not try and strung me along.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
I'm catholic too. A very close family friend is a priest and he has been counciling me. Married us, baptized our kids, etc. He has said that in the eyes of God, my H broke our M covenant and I should be free to do what I chose in response. That, by all means, fight to save it if that is what I feel. But, that I should feel no guilt or shame for ending it. I believe this with all my heart. I hope you do too!!
I will be thinking of you and your family.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Thanks Ruby and Tallula. Going to go to Good Friday mass. I guess it is not guilt or shame so much as I let my kids down. My family too, although they support this measure. It is a sad loss of what could have been great with the 'right' help, but not a loss of an unfaithful W who has issues with lying, control and self-denial.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
Tomorrow is her 46th B-day. She is getting what she wants...a D. There were so many other choices for help but she would not try and strung me along.
I sense that you may be pursuing D out of anger over your sitch, I hope that's not the case. It's easy to get swept up in anger and to act out in ways that we may regret later. D should be something that is considered only after you detach completely, to the point that you can very objectively look at your sitch to determine what the healthiest course of action is. I doubt D is what your W wants for her bday, and I can't help but wonder if that timing was intentional on your part to jab at her a little? And you also imply that she wouldn't try so you were "forced" to file? You've already filed, so that is done. But I would just ask you to find a quiet place, center yourself and really ask yourself if you've done this for the right reasons. Try to release any bitterness and anger you may have, the more of that you harbor, the more difficult it's going to be to get through the D process.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Thanks AS, but what I can say is no, the timing is not intentional but rather timing itself. I know it looks that way and got counselling on that point as i was worried about the opticsnofnit. There is no good time. The house is getting offers, financials have not been dealt with and most importantly custody agreement is not in place....the kids need a schedule and stability. This needs to be put into play. As I said they have been confirming since Oct to file and a few weeks ago again. We need to have a deal in place before house is sold. Yes, I am angry but this is a move to get things settled. Her intention was clear and pointed directly this is what they are doing for months. It only has made matters worse to drag along. Though I can't help but think her waking up on Father's Day and announcing to me "Today is the day I will stop wearing my ring" was not intentional. Of course I am angry, but angry it came to this and not doing this because I am angry. It is at a point that I need to protect myself which is what I should have done last year and the year before. It is her bitterness and anger that drove this here, and has made me more angry yes, but mostly hurt. W is in self-protection mode and out for all she can. It is disgusting. I have been assured by lawyers, accountant, friends, family and pastor that it has come to this not of my doing and is an ugly but necessary step. Not what I wanted, but W did....not for her b-day no....but that is the timing and yes I did think about that more out of guilt, not spite. D has been against my principles so it has taking me a lot to accept it and swallow it.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
Thanks Busting. Love you! These are tough times. I must be strong and stand up for myself and protect myself and kids.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
