TheUF - Changing gears - Dropping the rope?

[theUF]

Hoping someone with a bit more experience can throw some advice my way or share their experiences.

After taking S for a small hike I went to hand him over to X. This weekend was originally hers, but we agreed on me having him Sunday(she was supposed to work). Now she said she wasn't working after all and that they wanted to take S to a museum. I asked her "So your're asking if you can have him the whole Sunday?" She said yes and I told her this came a bit sudden as I had already planned out the weekend with me having him Sunday and I also gave her Thursday(which was my day off from work).

She went off stating that it was originally her weekend and if I was going to give her h3ll about it she would just never ask me to have S again, except the days I'm required by law. I said it was no need to start threatning and pointing fingers b/c there was nothing preventing us from finding a solution. She became emotional, started crying and battered away....to sum up she says : (my summed up answers in red)

-If I tried to refuse she would not give me more time with S than what The law requires.
I haven't said either way yet, I'm just disappointed about our deal being discarded that easily and that you feel the need to threaten me. We can and should find a better way to handle this sort of thing.
-I was never there for her and S and don't deserve more than what her goodwill allows. I should be the one to face the consequences.
I'm not arguing here. I know I failed at being the partner and father I should have been. I regret that deeply. I wish I could go back and do it differently, but I simply can't. I know I have to face the consequences for my actions, and they are mine to face. I hope however, this will not be your card to continiously run me over.
-A lot of fathers who failed to be there like I was, were happy just to get every other weekend. And that was all they deserved.
Yes, and some of them are just happy to have that "freedom". But that's not me. I love my S and I want to be there for him.
-She's always working and doesn't see S much and I just doesn't understand that at all.
I do understand, maybe not to the extent you wan't me to, but I'm in the same position. We're two people who want the same thing, which makes it difficult for us to agree.I want you to see him, but I also miss him like mad every time he's gone.
-When I validate her feelings she asks me to stop the therapist-cr4p.
So b/c I understand your feelings I'm acting like a therapist? Sorry, I don't see the validity in that.
-She has been following my lead for 8,5 years and I still expect her to.
-I'm always making trouble or changing arrangements.
Simply not true, it happens yes. For both of us, but we should avoid pointing fingers and using "you always" statements. It does us no good and is only counterproductive.
-She stood her ground on it always happening and I pointed out several times she had done the same. I got carried away, not helpful.
-It took SO much to push her to leave me and when she finally did I suddenly start going around acting/pretending to be perfect. WhyTH now?!
You think this is a game for me? Have you ever considered the possibility that I may have learned a thing or two about what's important in life? I know my mistakes, I know I wasn't there. I know you carried the load with S, I'm grateful for what you've done and I regret not being there for you guys as much as I should have. My priorities were off, and it s0cks. This is my S, I love him, and It turns my stomach whenever I have to leave him. This isn't a game, it's just the present reality.

We finally found a compromise and left on pretty good terms, but she was quite emotional.
Seems her feelings are surfacing these days, and IDK what to make of all this.
I understand this might seem like an act to her, even after 6 months, but it's simply not. I've changed. Some day she will realize, I won't and can't force her to.
I regret the way I acted during his first year and a half, but I can't go around beating myself up every minute of every day. I'm also worried this will be her ace in the pocket every time she want's to run me over. At the same time I wan't to own my actions.
Now I'M the one mentally rollercosting.