Laurie is your db coach? Sounds like she directed you well. You're really fortunate to have advice so early in your sitch. Good job! Allowing H to be assertive AS LONG as it doesn't interfere with your parental rights (imo) sounds like a good plan.
She suggested allowing him in home/family to remind him of how it could be? Did she recommend inviting these situations? Had an issue with this myself last night.
No she did not...sorry I could not give feedback from her on the topic...I think she did not go there with me because I am so new to the sitch...
Yeah good to have that advice now...because I would have put up a fight about it...glad I waited to talk to her today about it...
She did suggested to keep the status quo until/unless I feel that I am not seeing improvements from it and think that I have given it the time and effort to see them...so I guess reflect on your goals of H's interaction and being in the home and consider how long willing to wait to see them and what positives might come from it and look like...does that help?
Might there be a time in the future that you could offer up dinner at the house, whether it be him stopping by...I think you may see excuses for him to come by if he really wants to do that again, or he may push away for a time being.
So far H has not interfered with parental rights with S, he has been helping fiancially no issues there...he been respectful he is not very assertive at all so not expecting him to push anything for awhile.
want to write a small note to H apologizing for last weekend...coach said fine to do...H says I don't apologize..well never have his words
So what do you think of this...
I wanted to say that I am sorry for my role in the course of our conversation on Saturday. I was wrong to have allowed my emotions to get to the point they did. This is something I am currently working on at this time as it is a trait that I want to change for myself. I hope that at some point in the future you can forgive me for my behavior.
so what do you think...wanted to cover as many apology languages as I could to make sure all bases were covered.
Side note, I sent message to H about weekend and asked him to give me better idea of when he might be available for talk about S's childcare...asked him to give options and we could decide on time...
He sent message back nothing about weekend and said Sat morning discuss on his drive up or sometimes next week...I told him next week could be better as I would be busy in the am to talk...of course nothing on the weekend with S, expectations kill us...but I will be happy if he is in a good mood when he gets here...
Driving me very little nuts thinking what he is doing tonight and why he can not talk now?! Get it out of my head...move on...
When you apologize, you should be as specific as possible and relate them to specific events that had happened. Most times the spouse that was hurt wants to know that you "get it" in terms of how/why they were hurt.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Thanks for the feedback...I was just in general referring to this past weekends discussion...it went on way to long, and I got unfocused and dominated the conversation...should I write that in?
I wanted to tell you that I was sorry for my role in the course of our conversation on Saturday. I was wrong to dominate the discussion and allow my frustration to take over. I did not start out intending to communicate in this manner. This is a trait that I am currently working on improving for myself. I hope that you can forgive me for my actions and behaviors in the future.
Take out that last sentence. You can apologize for what you did currently, BUT you were justified based on how you were feeling. Your feelings are real and that is something you don't need to apologize for.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
