Journal: We will be traveling to see my family this weekend for Easter. These times are the hardest. Will there be tension? Probably so. I pray for there not to be any, but in these situations there is always awkwardness. I have to stay strong and not show my sadness of the life I'm currently living in.
Staying strong for my daughters at this point is the most important thing. If H could only see what it would be like without him here with his girls I think it would be a real eye opener for him. I know if he was to choose me just for the kids that it would be wrong. I want him to choose us, me & the girls. I want him to see the future with us being together like I see it.
OW lives at home with her parents. She won't let her Ds father spend more than 3 hours every other weekend with their D, but preaches the importance of H being able to be a part of our two Ds lives & that she will support that & wants it for him. She keeps telling him she wants to have his baby. If that was to happen I'm afraid it would hurt his R with our Ds even more & in the end it would cause more pain to him. I think it would probably make him realize that be left his Ds & I'm afraid it would be too late. Can he really think that this would work for him. Why can't he see all the red flags I see? Is the 'fog' I've read about real? I'm thinking more & more it is.
I need to quit focusing on their relationship & focus on me. I need to channel my energy to letting H see me & my changes. Constantly thinking of them being together is hard to stop. How can I do this?
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
