BRNR, I'm sorry that you are once again doubting yourself and the position that you are in at the moment. First, I want to ask you this...are your friends living your life for you? Your friends and family mean well, but until they walk a mile in your shoes and educate themselves on mlc, they will never understand what is happening in your situation. I would venture to say that if they were put in the exact same position that you are in right now, they would be doing the same thing...fighting for their marriages. I urge you to select one close friend and use that friend as a sounding board and do not discuss your situation w/others as this will make it very hard for h to return home, if you and your opt to reconcile at a later date.
Of course you are not over your h. That will take many many years to do so. Detaching doesn't happen over night and it's a very gradual tool. You've loved this man for many years and he is the father of your children.
If your h truly wanted to move on w/his life, he would have already filed for divorce and would not want to be in your presence. This man has not given any indication that he wants a divorce unless there are other things going on that you haven't posted on the board.
As I have always told others, sit quietly and the answers will come. God will reveal all to you when he is ready and not until. The more you push, the less likely you will find the answers. When in doubt, do absolutely nothing.
Live your life as if he's not coming back. Continue being he best person and mom you can be. If you want your h to participate in family functions, then ask him and leave it up to him to decide which ones he wants to participate in. Keep your expectations at zero in order not to be disappointed, hurt or angry when he doesn't do what you think he should be doing.
His journey is a long one and it didn't happen yesterday. It took years in the making and it will take some time for it to end. No one knows how they'll bake up and whether or not you will still be there at the end of the crisis. That is far, far down the road and we can't predict the outcome. However, you can take each day as it comes and live it to the fullest and at the end of the day, you can smile and know that you accomplished a lot in that particular day.
So, put on your big girl panties and your high heels and continue walking the path and do not allow anyone to sway you from your course. Only you know what kind of relationship you had w/your h and only you will know if it is worth fighting for. Bottom line, you are the only one that can make the decision to when you've had enough. From what I've read this morning...you aren't ready to call it quits...but that's my personal observation.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
