RS - Just got caught up on your sitch and I have to say I'm shocked how strong a woman your W is. These last 9 years had to be very tough and lonely on her. Not beating you up at all, just pointing it out. Glad you're starting to see her side, that will help you.
Spartan,
I am appalled that you are shocked by how strong his W is.
She had no choice but to be that strong. And that strength, is what makes ending the M not as difficult or scary an option as might be with other WAS.
From a woman's perspective...
When you live basically on your own, regardless of the reasons, you know that you are capable and strong. You know that you can manage the house, the children, your life, without another person involved. So, while you may WANT that person in your life, you know you don't NEED that person.
I lived that sort of a M and it was difficult because my wants and my emotional needs weren't being met, which, for a woman, is very important in a relationship.
Much more important than financial needs, career needs, etc...
After my M ended, eventually, I became involved in a long distance relationship.
Was I stupid? I mean, I was basically putting myself into a very similar type of relationship that I had in my M, in terms of time together.
I knew by this time what I actually needed from a relationship, which was to feel loved, cherished, special, have time and attention, regardless of the rest of life swirling around me, I was willing to take a chance and see what happened.
I knew that I was capable of managing my life, without a man present daily. What I gained, that was different from my M, was a man, who was present daily even if he was half way across the country. He was there when I needed to talk. He was there every night to say goodnight. He was there every morning to say hello. Sometimes in voice, sometimes in text. He responded to emails and texts as quickly as possible because that was a means of communication for us. He kept me in love with him with the words, the tone of his voice, the communication... He romanced me virtually. He made me feel desired daily. He made me feel important to him. He was with me via phone when something important was happening, or something that he would have been present physically for if he was closer. He problem solved with me. He listened, he talked, he dreamed with me. He met my emotional needs very well during that time and I never doubted that he loved me and I believed that we would eventually remove the distance. And that happened after a few years.
RS,
Can you say that you have met your W's emotional needs?
Have you made her a part of your life even across the space?
Or have you been marking time until you could be together?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
