Sorry for jumping into your thread but your feelings and views hit home with me 100%. It has been a tremendous help knowing someone else out there is going through what I am. I don't feel so alone and/or crazy.
As I mentioned I too am in exactly the same mindset and feelings as you are.
I don't think there is any magic answer to how to regain your family. All we can do is be the best person and parent as we can. Sadly there is nothing more. Each one of us as different threshold's of pain etc. so we need to figure out the best way to interact with our Xs.
I am at the point where it's time for me to try to untangle myself a bit from my X. I stayed close to her thinking it would help. It didn't help at all as she is now openly with someone else.
My heart breaks hearing you speak of wanting your family back as I too feel the same way.
I have the extra burden of a near death experience; I was trekking at the base of Mt. Everest when I became seriously ill. They called for a helicopter rescue of me at the end of the day. Due to weather I could not be rescued until the next morning. I was so scared, alone and unable to make contact with my family. That moment forever changed who I am and the value I place on my family. It's the same as what most people realize on their death bead..... "that they wished they had spent more time with their family". So now I have that extra burden of wanting so badly to be with my family.
As I mentioned my XW has recently commented on how awesome of a father I am. I am not sure if that feels good or bad to hear.
So BRNR, I hope my reply gets across that I understand what you are feeling a 100% and that you are not alone in feeling the way you do.
Hang in there, as tomorrow will be a better day.
Me/W: 46/36 D7.6/S6 T/M: 7.5/6.5 Bomb 12/05/07 D final: 03/03/09
