Not confused, still emotional, getting very angry

[BRNR]

Feeling really overwhelmed and low this morning...

Venting-

So, I had a few hours to live the single life last night. I went out with some friends, met some new people, and had a few drinks.

Everything we do is a learning lesson. What did I learn?
That I am not over H. And that I would rather have a family life than the single lifestyle any day.

So how ironic is that, that the man that I want the family life with and love, doesn't want me, and instead wants to move on with his life as is. I'll tell you...truly depressing and hurtful.

I have gotten the push from my friends to move on and get back out there and not take this tortuous nightmare any longer. All giving me their great advice and words of wisdom, of how things would never be the same, how I could never trust him, and how he would just probably break my heart again.

How I feel about all this, is that it is probably all true.

So what is one to do? I guess nothing, keep living the daily life, put faith in God that he has a plan, and let the chips fall where they may.

Life does sure throw us twist and turns at any given moment, and I am really waiting for the twist in my favor to come around in this situation.

So Portia, as you said, my end goal would be to save may marriage, but I am wavering on how realistic that goal is.

Anyone want to try and give me clarity...I am feeling alone in this world, with no one who truly understands other than my DB family here. What do I need to do, what should be my next step in my journey?

GAL was fine, but I think the overkill last night overwhelmed me and set me back in some ways.
Detaching...I think I am good here, not great, but good. I know longer wonder his motives, what he is doing, where he is, or rely on him for anything other than to take care of his kids and his responsibilities financially.

I want a family lifestyle, with a husband. How do I do that? Myself and my children come first, always, but how do I regain my family status in this world?

Sorry for the rant this morning...