Snodderly, thank you for that - I think I spent a lot of time (like many people here) thinking it was me - and of course it doesn't absolve us from making those much needed changes, but as you say, their upbringing did not prepare them for loving in a real and adult way, the rough with the smooth.
DBing is great if you have someone with the emotional maturity to eventually respond, but most of these MLCers will never get to that point. Some do, and I would always counsel hoping and loving while getting on with your own life. If you eventually meet someone else - great, if not, then total independence has its own rewards!
And yes I am thrilled for my son. He has worked very very hard and taken every opportunity with both hands. i think his father leaving eventually showed him that life is what you make it, not what life dishes out to you. A hard lesson.
To all of you with children, they watch their parents, and we have to counteract the sad example of the WAS It isn't fair, but was 25 years always says, neither is being born poor in most of Africa
