Almost two years and still stuck in limbo

[newman7977]

Newman, just caught up on your situation and see lots of similarities. Not an expert but sounds like you doing well with DB.

Hoping to learn from following your sitch. How do you explain to your kids when you take trips w/o W? I can see something like that playing out over spring break and not quite sure how to handle it.

Thanks.

SemperFi, thanks for taking the time to read my sitch. As much as I read here I don't know how I missed your thread. I'll check it out one of these days.

Regarding the kids, yes we had a talk with them early on my sitch. Because I proposed to W that I wanted a trial separation and I didn't want the kids to wonder why and blame themselves. W and I basically said that Mom and Dad are having some problems and that we needed some space so that our relationship will get better and we assured them that W and I both love them very much no matter what happen.

It was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever experience in my life. D18 cried and I felt her pain but she understood. S13 was more reserve and we were worried that he was keeping his emotions inside. I made sure since then that I'm always there for him and take him to sports, ask him how he's feeling, and helping him with school work. I didn't want him to feel neglected. In fact, this sitch brought me a lot closer to my kids. I truly believe that I'm a better dad.

But approx 2 days before the separation, W and I talked and put the separation on hold. Couldn't do it, to see my kids' sad faces. It's been on hold up to now.

So my kids know the sitch, and since then there were weekends where I took them out, but most weekends we went together just like before, like a happy family. But since then also we have not bring up the sitch. I'm not sure if they think W & I have worked things out. Sometimes, I do feel like we need to have that talk again, but holding on to spare their feelings.

SemperFi, I'm not sure if this is what you need to do with your kids. You know your kids the most and know what to tell them so they would feel secure. But yes they will start wondering why mom and dad are taking turns taking them out on weekends so at some point you need to address it to them. Btw, I didn't tell them the details of our problems. Good luck to you SemperFi.

Newman-stay strong. An in house seperation is something I've pondered many of times.

Your W having to let her family in on what she has been doing just may be what she needs. Once my Hs family confronted him he changed a bit.

in_it, thanks for checking in. In house separation is what she wanted. She's following the WAS script. Yes sometimes I wonder what would happen if all family and her siblings find out that we're on the verge of D. Only SIL knows the details. My gut tells me that she's still in contact with OM and that's why she can not commit to our M although I don't have any proof. That and I really think that she's very comfortable with our arrangement. I believe that the WAS has to feel some kind of loss, and in our relationship so far I don't think she has felt any type of loss. So How long I can live like this? who knows, but I know I can't let my kids think I left them.

Also, her family is very critical, so in a way I'm trying to protect her feelings. But how long can I keep reality right. I don't know, I'm just living the moment. But I'm prepared either D or R.

Regards,
Newman