Here we go loopty loo. Here we go loopty li.

[Raine]

Thanks rH! I feel better about that now. I still feel so torn by being there for him and not pursuing him, like nothing I do is right. Baby will be here in the new few weeks, give or take I'm feeling pretty good, considering. I'll keep working up until he is here.

T^2 posted some interesting things about OP in his thread that made me think about some things with my H and what he is doing. It's been puzzling to me about the multiple OP, where it does not appear he is making any kind of bonding relationship. It is very surface level, superficial, which goes against what I've read on MLC and looking for the emotional connection, the full relationship. It is just very physical. Any emotional connection is at a teenage level and extremely creepy.

I have learned through great insights here that the path of MLC is not consistent from one to the next, especially the further into it goes. It seems like they all follow the same pattern in the beginning and then start to make their own road. Although it's interesting to still see timelines, like the time it took to go from me being this horrible person to him realizing I'm pretty great and this has nothing to do with me.

H does not talk to anyone about me, our relationship, or what is going on with him. The only person he is even slightly opening up to is me, which makes me feel like the only one he has any emotional bonding to is me, and even then it's at a very low level. Interesting enough he told me recently that he will never talk to me about his past, what happened to him before me, or what has been going on the last few months, which is a 180 from previous conversations, where he said he would need to tell me things at some point. Now he feels that it's not fair for him to hurt me like that, just to ease his conscience. I told him, what if I already knew, would it make any difference? And he got so upset he thought he was going to throw up.

This is the first time he has hinted at an event in his past. I am assuming now there is much more than just emotional neglect, and a depressive father and mother during childhood. There had to be some kind of traumatic event that stunted him.

He says that he forgets I don't like him. That I don't want to do things with him. The he doesn't have the same abilities anymore to charm me or annoy me. But he likes those moments when we both forget about all that and just make each other laugh, because then he knows we'll both be fine with how this has ended up.