Thank you all for your support, kind words and birthday wishes.
I feel good, more myself and in control. That corner has been turned and there is no looking back. I like that feeling.
MizJ and Snodderly, you were very right. It is not the end of the book, just the end of the chapter.
xSO called me the night after my birthday. It was not a long conversation as I had to be up early the next day. He asked me if I had received his card. I said nope. He said he sent it. I did not believe him.
Well, it was true - two days later, I received a card with a gift certificate in it to my favourite store. He had sent it priority, but it still did not reach me. Too funny!
I think the universe works in strange ways. Because I had to process my feelings based on the assumption that he sent nothing and did nothing. Which helped me turn that corner and be detached.
I called him to thank him for the birthday card and gift. We talked like two old friends for almost two hours. When I started to get tired, I said I had to go. He asked what time it was and when I said we have been talking for almost two hours, he did not believe me. I hung up to it was awesome to talk to you and hear your voice.
Know what I learned, that there is no going back. I was able to speak to him like I did because I am moving forward, made plans without him and do not consider him in them. Have recognized that that if anything will "save" us, it is the friendship; a causal friendship. For now, I like this spot. I need some time to grieve my parent, to get healthy again, to do the dishes!
I have no doubt that I will still have some "hurt" days. But they will not be coming from the same place. I hope that we can work on this. Miz, I do care - still. That is the biggest mystery to me of all!
