I sent my P90X set to W (at her request from an earlier time)with two inspirational quotes that I said motivated me to reach my fitness goals.
I saw that she posted one of the quotes as her favorite on her FB profile. I was so humbled that despite our R, I can still impact her life in a positive way. It gave me some peace and allowed me to sleep better.
Validation....
Feels good to be heard huh ???
Originally Posted By: RetiringSingle
M1, You are absolutely correct about not knowing how to love. That's why I've got the book "The 5 languages of love" requested at our library. I think it may help me begin to figure things out.
I always recommend reading 5LL twice. The first time you read it, it will kick you in the nuts. You will see it as a list of failures, and seemingly only YOU did all of those things. It reads as ...Golly RS, you really F-ed this up....
I would recommend reading it again after the initial shock of having to be here wears down a bit. Usually, it will read entirely different the second time. More of a "this is how I want to be" .
YOU need to define what that means to YOU too. I'm pretty sure that Gary Chapman knows what it means to him. And although it can give some insight...
This is about what YOU think...
Make sense ?
Originally Posted By: RetiringSingle
For my GAL I'm pressing on trying to finish my certification exams (2 left)and working on immersing myself in my children's language they are learning. I'll need it later perhaps. I'm also allowing myself to go on more sightseeing trips and have a little more fun. I just went today and signed myself up for a trip to the Mediterranean so I can go have some fresh seafood for lunch over our 3-day weekend the 1st week of April. Besides I'll need to do something to get my mind off of our 10th A.
I'm not seeing GAL as one of your downfalls RS. I think that has been the normal in this relationship to begin with.
You each had your own life, away from each other.
Originally Posted By: RetiringSingle
I'm not sure what you meant by the "completely missing" paragraph. Is it that she's not missing this part that is complicated and tied to the military? She prefers what she has now which is simpler?
Read this as though you aren't in the middle, or you had not written it.....
Originally Posted By: some random guy
What she's completely missing is that I have an entire 3 bdrm house filled with stuff (a lot of hers) and because she wants to call it quits, I'll have to move into a small flat(apt) which will not be able to handle all of it. And I'm not paying to have her stuff shipped. The gov't will do one final move when I retire. My only option is to have a massive garage sale. I told her that I will do nothing until she decides what she wants to do with all of the stuff here.
I would say that she is quite aware of what is going on.
I would say that she doesn't care what is there.
I would venture to say, that it speaks volumes about where her head is now.
I don't want to come across as beating you on the head or anything. From what I have read, your life together was about Material things , and smokescreens of what a marriage should look like. You had your path, and she had hers, and occasionally, they met in the middle.
What she wanted from you, was an emotional connection, and the feeling of being wanted, not possessions.
And the possessions remind her of what she never got from you.
They remind her, that everything else in the world, came before her. Nothing ever came in, second place to her, and now ? All of the sudden, you want to change that ? Because she wants that in her life ?
I gotta say, I would be pissed too...
Would you ?
When was the last time that you gave up something, to put her or the marriage first ???
Yea, you said the words, yet your actions spoke a different language...
Look at how giddy you became, over the simple act of her validating you up there. ^^^^^^
This is what I take from your words up there...^^^^^^
Superiority Judgement Martyrdom Punishment
Read it objectively, and tell me if I am wrong ????
So tell me RS....
Are you ready to be different ????
Really different ????
Is this the way you want to be ????
Is this the way you envisioned a marriage ?
Is this the kind of marriage you want ????
Stay with me RS...
Sometimes the most painful journey, is the one you don't take...
