Okay, I don't mean any disrespect, but WHY is everyone insinuating that I threatened to kick her out? I didn't say that. I really didn't discuss any of this with her, other than how unhappy I was that "friend" got involved. I was supportive of her, if anything. Again, she has NOT been asked to move out...at least not yet. I will cross that bridge and make that decision if and when I see fit. I will ask for advice before doing so. But as of this moment, I have not had any discussion with W regarding kicking her out or making demands on who she dates.
Originally Posted By: labug
Our "friend" hit my W right between the eyes with this and said she was being allowed to stay here and being given support by "suckerpunches" good graces. She should not disrespect that. This is pretty much the whole story.
SP, I think we talked about his a long time ago. Back then you seemed intent on putting her on the street because she was taking advantage of the situation. That's really not changed, has it? I believe I recall you said she worked really hard and was taking tests to improve her work situation so that she could make more money. You recognized that because of her current work situation she wouldn't be able to find a decent place for her and D. Am I right? What happened to that guy?
We did discuss that and It has been something that has been on my mind. I did get a grip on it, and I did realize the petty outlook I was taking. I also realized kicking her out wouldn't help me reach my goal. With that said, she has passed her state exams, been given her license and is now a working insurance agent. Does anyone know how long it takes to work as an insurance agent and build a client base big enough to support yourself? I ask, because I have friends that have gone at it for a couple years, only to make borderline poverty income. W has expressed to me that she will not make cold calls. It appears like she almost expects the money to just roll in. That seems a bit optomistic to me. I am not so sure I will want EX-W living here a few years after we are divorced....just to put this into perspective.
Originally Posted By: labug
You're in a M, no matter how broken and part of the contract is that you share jointly so If the marriage is no more your W will get her share, right? If you control the money in your household now she probably does need you to give her "support" money in order to move somewhere else.
you are absolutely right. Unfortunately, we don't have much to give. I am having a very rough time supporting myself. W makes little to nothing at this point. If i give her enough to survive, I will not be able to survive. Actually, there is no way on Earth our combine incomes could support 2 households. Now my families assets, which are pretty substantial are tied up in business. The business is a corporation. I am not the sole shareholder by any means. That puts WIFE in a very tight situation because I am not about to cut my own throat, nor my sisters, brother or mother to help W succeed with her wishes to live a wonderful life. Call me unloving, call me cruel, call me whatever you wish. When it comes right down to it. My survival, and the survival of my D, is going to be my #1 priority, not the woman who chose to leave me.
Originally Posted By: labug
I pulled some phrases out of your last couple of posts because they jumped out at me.
"but I DID chew this friend out in a big way"
"I have not lashed out at her or made any demands or accusations."
"I confronted him."
"I in no short manner, told him to get the F out of my life and if he knew what was good for him he better have ZERO contact with her"
"That is NOT going to happen on my property."
"Our "friend" hit my W right between the eyes with this"
The language you use makes me think you still have a lot of underlying anger, and I understand that, we all get angry but you react consistently from that anger. Why? Is it your pride? Your loss of control? Your W has hurt you and you want to hurt her?
By holding on to the anger and reacting to all these different things you're allowing your W, the ?OM, your friend to control you. You seem like a ball in a pinball machine (remember those?).
How can you change that?
Well, I will agree that I am angry. I don't think any of this should be happening. I think it is foolish that my W won't even consider making any effort to save the relationship, no last chance, not even a second chance. That is a tough pill for me to swallow. Plus, seeing my D start to spiral out of control makes it even worse. You are darn right. I am ANGRY. However, I think I have made HUGE strides towards hadnling my emotions. I have been relatively calm and collected. I am not sure why everyone feels that I have reverted back or made some mess again?
