Wed nite is sailing race night for the Spring season, and originally, I told my W that I would not be racing because one of the other crew couldn't make it, and we need at least 3 to race. At the last minute, he could go, so I texted my W and went from work to the race. On Wed nites, my W has been going to the gym, but we have an agreement that since I only go out 1/week, she would stay home.
While racing my phone rang from home, but I didn't answer. When I got home at 8:40pm, my W's care was missing. My 3 girls were in bed. What had happened was that because my W thought my plans were cancelled, she planned on going to the gym and then to the bar with friends. She was upset she couldn't go. She missed the gym, but at 8pm she put our 3 girls in bed, and left to the gym. She assumed I would be home soon.
When she returned home at about 9:45pm, I was at the kitchen table. I was mad and upset that going to the bar was more important than taking care of our girls. I told her this. I told her, "in the future I want to know that on Wed when I'm out, that you'll be here taking care of the girls."
I felt like I was talking to a teenager.
In the morning before work, she wanted to talk with me. Mostly she wants to offer rationalizations for her actions, to blame me, etc. I walked away to avoid a fight. She found me 5 minutes later, and we had a more reasonable talk. Mostly she talked, explaining how she has no friends, is lonely, etc. I am still learning validation, and I was much better this time. THANKS AnotherStander! So when she said she was lonely at work, I replied, "yes I see how you can feel lonely." etc. I still have to improve my validating behavior, but I'm getting there.
Incidents like this remind me I have a long way to go.
