Suckerpunch stage 3

[swoop]

so she's only "allowed" to live on "your property" if what?

If she doesn't do things that will negatively effect my business. Also, I made it clear she was not to bring any men into our old apartment. Me and my family do not wish to see men walking into and out of our business/home to court my W while we are still married. Those are the only boundaries or stipulations I put in place. She knew about them. She agreed to them. I do not feel that was asking a lot.

(And was this the family home or what? Why is she there if it's a new place? She chose to live on your family's property?)

This is the apartment which I lived in for roughly 20 years. It is located above my famies business. My W lived with me there before and after we were married. We conceived our Daughter there, and that was Daughters home for the first several months of her life while I was building a new home for us to live in. W chooses to live there for her reasons, which I will not mind read about. I would probably assume it has something to do with her not having adequate finances to live on her own, if I had to guess.

OR IS this where she was in the first place and you want to kick her out if she dates THAT Man (b/c remember, you said she can date OMs in general)

or is it that she cannot date at all, as long as she lives where she is?

This is the same place she has been living since abandoning our family home. I did not threaten to kick her out. Actually I made no issue with her at all regarding this, because my issue is with HIM. I took it up with him directly. I told him that I would not tolerate a man lying to my face and sneaking around on my property. I told him he was free to be friends or whatever he chooses with my W, even though he gave me his word originally that he would stop contact with her. I told him he is not a man of his word. I consider him a lier and a cheat, and he is not going to do that in my business or my home. He WILL respect here or he will not be allowed here. It's plain and simple.

See, I still hear pride & anger talking.

You told her she could date but you now say you want to be able to choose WHOM she dates...(nothing controlling there...) OR WHERE? I mean, can you see how confusing and capricious it looks of you?

completely out of context because I did not tell her anything. I asked her if this man was there, she said yes and explained the reason, I said "okay fine". I did not take it up any further with her.

& frankly, who cares if you told that guy to stop talking to her? I mean, does he work for you?

No he doesn't work for me. However, I do have REAL issues with this mans integrity. I have no control over his character, but I DO have control over him stepping foot on my property. I even expressed to him that if he showed me respect, made it clear of his intentions and contacted me before coming here, I would allow him to bring his children down and spend time. He claims that there is nothing going o and he has no interest in my W. I expressed to him dilligently that his actions show otherwise. From every possible angle it appears he is up to no good. I am not mind reading or building scenraios in my head. Many many people, friends and customers alike feel that there is something fishy going on. Both my W and this man have so much to lose by doing this sort of activity right under my nose, and they KNOW that I do not approve. Why on Earth would they continue to do it? It makes little to no sense. When I explained all of this to him, he understood and agreed to contact me before coming down, which he has plans to do twice in the next month. His Children love it here, have for years. I really don't see an issue with my actions. I feel I acted perfectly reasonable.

He brought kids with him and your d was there, to lend legitimacy to their interactions, so no one would accuse her of cheating or sleeping with him. AND YET b/c he broke your laws...your friend appointed himself the sheriff in town and gave her a dressing down...great...

Yes, I really wish none of this happened. However, just to shed some light, his children are boy16, boy14 and girl 11. My daughter is 6 years old. They are not getting together for "the kids".

She probably IS turning to this guy for emotional support, obviously...but why do you get to decide that for her?

You can't one day say "since we'll be friends, we SHOULD tell each other all this dating stuff"

and then kick her out b/c she has a guy over With his kids...

oh undoubtedly she is turning to him. They met roughly a month or so before BD, and they have been communicating a lot ever since. My W is even taking my D to attend the soccer games that he coaches on occasion. They clearly have formed a friendship. BUT, I have not told my wife that she cannot date or speak with him. I DID tell that to him originally, because it was very suspiscous that he somehow landed in our laps so shortly before BD and then appeared to be becoming one of Wifes BFF's. Since then, I have made it clear that he is free to do what he wants, just don't be sneaky about it and let me know before entering my property.

I'm not sure what the deal is with the money and rental thing. If she chose to move there for some reason, I'm mystified as to why...unless she feels a little bit comfortable there.

Gee, you better stop THAT feeling asap...oh wait...you wanted to reconcile...

I "think" the reason she is staying here, at least one of the reasons, is she does not have anywhere near enough income to move away. This is her only real option for housing at this time. She does love it here and has many friends that are here, so she has access to them as well.

so how is this "showing her a thing or two," moving you closer to your goal?

I wasn't really trying to show her anything. I realize I am moving farther and farther away from my goal. Since all of this happened, several of our mutual friends have come forward to give W some "straight talk". These are the mutual friends that have been staying nuetral during all of this. Roughly 3 of the women in our group have come forward to express that they feel the choices W is making are wrong, just in the last couple of days. I am sure THAT will not help my goal either. W passed me today and wouldn't wave. She wouldn't respond to a text from me thanking her for buying D a Easter dress. She is Mad Mad Mad at me. She doesn't "love me that way" anymore. She is just done. I don't really know how I could have handled this any differently. I won't tolerate some guy disrespecting me. It might be pride. It might be ignorance, but it's not going to happen...PERIOD.