M1, You are absolutely correct about not knowing how to love. That's why I've got the book "The 5 languages of love" requested at our library. I think it may help me begin to figure things out.
Yes, it seems I have time but we're not talking much right now. I passed on some vaccination info to her tonight about our D and I could tell she really didn't want to speak to me. I used an upbeat voice and gave her the message and said to her, "that's all I wanted to tell you. Have a good night." I wanted to ensure that I end the conversation and not her. I'm working on the "as if."
For my GAL I'm pressing on trying to finish my certification exams (2 left)and working on immersing myself in my children's language they are learning. I'll need it later perhaps. I'm also allowing myself to go on more sightseeing trips and have a little more fun. I just went today and signed myself up for a trip to the Mediterranean so I can go have some fresh seafood for lunch over our 3-day weekend the 1st week of April. Besides I'll need to do something to get my mind off of our 10th A.
I'm not sure what you meant by the "completely missing" paragraph. Is it that she's not missing this part that is complicated and tied to the military? She prefers what she has now which is simpler? I've recently seen a career counselor who helped me realize that in order for me to take advantage of my skills and federal benefits, I'll need to sacrifice a little more after retirement for my stability and also for my children's future. That will mean residing in a different country but I'll have a job in my industry where I can use my certification and have good pay and benefits. I will be away from my children, but I'll have the ability to see them every other weekend (2-hr flight). This is what I discussed with my IC today and she validated my conflicting feelings with this. Part of me was feeling like I was being selfish choosing the job over family again. W said that she won't go to my retirement ceremony and that hurt. I can't predict the future, but I'm not willing to gamble my future plans and career opportunities on the shaky condition of this M. I need to take care of myself so I can take care of others.
