My painting party wasn't for you, I like blue!

[albamarie]

Thanks Snodderly! I will go back to leaving him alone, it seems the only thing I get on him about is coming home after I know he's been with ea. I am having the hardest time agreeing that he deserves to come to home after having spent time with OP. Is it jealousy, yes, it's also anger and disgust, jealousy and sadness, and more jealousy.

The jealousy comes from knowing that he is sharing his thoughts and time with op. Also, that he is exploring friendships without me and they are enjoying him as a single man, who is (was) mine and the kids. I am a single child I don't share well, and sharing the one I love is most harmful to my soul.

Getting on him about living here if he's going to continue with/ea is the only thing I have ever gotten on him about in 24yrs. The pain just flys right out of my mouth and I have told him my hatred for her, is greater than the consequences of him leaving, because it hurts when he comes home to look at his face.

I know....bad move! I have to back off the ea topic, but if it wasn't for her I wouldn't even be considering him leaving. He also just said "and yet, I haven't left you, so take that as something, even though I wont say it from my mouth, you have something of me still". OMG! I feel like I'm a teenage wondering if this guy is FOS or for real.

How do I handle it when he walks in the door and I know he spent time with ea? How cool do I play it, does he really think my silence means he's getting away with it, or does he know better? If I can get past that I can be very good with the rest of how I GAL, and treat him kindly. I have never been good with the "as if".

I'm sorry this is my last rant of questions but this is my hardest hurdle. Otherwise, I do very well at treating him with respect and leaving him be. I do want to keep trying, not ready to give up just yet!

Thank for the prayers....so important in these times and always!