How far do we need to grieve? for example should we carry on as if its over, and my W is lost forever, or should i go to a certain point of accepting that W is not mine for now?
The recovery process is different for every person. Your marriage is dead and gone, that's what you need to understand and grieve. It's never, ever coming back. So grieve the loss. Get through it, get past it, get over it. Then pick yourself up and make the changes you need to make to improve yourself and become the spouse only a fool would leave. Don't do it for the M, it's gone. Do it for yourself. Give your W time and space to appreciate your changes, and maybe she will become interested in this new you at some point. If she does, the goal is to start a NEW relationship and marriage with her. She does not want to go back to the old M or the old you! Ever! But she may be interested in a new M with the new you. That's the goal.
