W also knows I've been talking to my mom back in the States and she asked yesterday what she had to say. TBH, my mom has a lot of anger towards her right now.
Oh boy. Well we were just talking about this in Suckerpunch's thread. There is potential for disaster here. You should NOT be talking about your sitch to mutual friends and family. You should ONLY discuss it with people who don't know your wife and have zero chance of ever running across her. For the reasons why, go to Suckerpunch's thread:
And read from post 2333048 on, but ESPECIALLY read 25's post (2333583).
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Is it okay if I treat this thread as a kind of journal? At least from time to time? That is to say, is it okay that I'm almost more writing for myself?
Of course, that's what many of us do.
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W and I are talking about what the situation is going to be like if/when we D.
Print out Sandi's DB tips (sticky at top of forum) and read them at least once a day. Do not EVER bring up D, R or M talks! EVER! If W brings it up then just listen and validate. But do NOT engage in these discussions.
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I told her that she's probably going to have to realize that it will likely have an impact on the amount of time she spends at work and W became extremely belligerent.
Of course she did, because you are PRESSURING her. You are trying to reason her into staying. That does not work!! Pressure has the opposite effect, it pushes them out the door.
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I excused myself from the conversation because she started yelling.
So you started pushing her buttons, she yelled and you walked away. This is not the kind of stuff that will bring her back!! Stop the pressuring, stop giving her reasons to yell, and instead of walking away when she gets angry try to get her to talk about her emotions and validate them. "You sound angry, is that how you feel?" "Darned right I'm angry!!" "I'm sorry you feel so angry, can you tell me what I did to make you feel that way? I want to work on this to stop it from happening in the future."
Converting angry conflicts into peaceful conflict resolution is the primary 180 that most troubled couples should strive for.
