Thank you for the update. I'm glad they were able to take care of your FIL and send him home.
Your h will contact you once he settles himself down. This is a very emotional time for him because he most likely wasn't sure if his father was going to make it. It scared him and he wasn't ready to face what may have been the death of a parent.
I am keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers. Be patient a while longer...he will contact you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
H did contact me - about an hour after I last posted. He texted "so what, are you not talking to me?"
Wow and I thought he didn't make sense before! But now he hasn't slept and is freaked out about his folks so its much worse.
His M passed out as he was helping her walk to bed. His F laments being alive. H is all alone with the two of them. Has missed 2 days of work so far - has no idea when he can come home.
I suggested H get permission to talk to ILs doctor - so he can report the ILs status - maybe they need a med change? H was so rattled he couldn't comprehend what I was saying.
Other than not getting dragged into another argument I don't know what to do. H still of course doesn't want overt affection from me - there seems to be no safe way to talk to him. But yet he still wants me to contact him - which who can blame him considering where he is and what he's going through. So I don't know if going "dim" applies just now because of the extenuating circumstances.
Thanks again for stopping by my thread.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
MLC aside, your H is in a very difficult and emotional place.
I really don't know what to tell you to do except be there for him. Deep down, you still love and care about him, and you care about your in- laws.
Maybe just send him a short text letting him know that you are there for him, whatever he may need. Be there for him as a good friend who cares, no pressure.
Does he have any other family that could help him with his parents?
How are you and the kids holding up?
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
I agree w/TS, this is not an ordinary situation and your h is under a lot of stress right now w/both parents in poor health. I would send him a text this morning to check on him and his parents and let him know that if he needs to talk, you are there for him.
I do think you gave him some good advice about contacting the doctors. The meds may need to be changed.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So sorry to hear about your in-laws. Dealing with sickness is tough.
I agree with Snodderly and TVS. Some things just have to go on the backburner. He needs your support and you can give that from a distance and a place of compassion, if not love.
Does he have any other family that could help him with his parents?
Nobody close distance wise. The closest is a sister of H's who has her own personality issues. I think she is currently disowned by IL's. I was lamenting his aloneness today and he said he thinks it might actually be better this way - I'm not entirely convinced of that... but who knows. It is giving him one on one (two actually) time with them so maybe that is a good thing.
Originally Posted By: Takevowsserious
How are you and the kids holding up?
We are ok. S20, the sensitive anxious one is of course the most strongly affected. I am nearly beside myself about it but have kept it sort of in check. Not sleeping too great.
Originally Posted By: snodderly
I do think you gave him some good advice about contacting the doctors. The meds may need to be changed.
MIL had an appt today. Dr discouraged by condition of heart and kidneys - said if not improvement in next 48 hrs she has to return to hospital.
At one point H texted he was on his way to get prescription filled - behind him at the house his M thought she was dying and his F was crying....
Poor H
Communication today was ok. Fairly frequent. I think H somewhat more level today - yesterday he was a mess. He actually told me he was nervous today - I liked that he admitted to having a "feeling".
Good news for the day: fast food job is closed for Easter
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
H's day went from high to low yesterday. FIL was quite a bit better in the morning, MIL a little bit better. H was chipper, thought he might even get to leave there this weekend. (I hadn't mentioned that he had told me to poll the kids on what he should do; stay there or return home. I had asked S20, who thought although S20 could understand how difficult it would be, that H really should return home) I hadn't yet asked the other kids because everyone has been in a rush rush and there hadn't been 20 minutes of talk time available. Yesterday morning H said "nevermind, don't ask because I don't think it is an issue now." And he said a couple of other small things that led me to believe he wanted to come home.
By last night the "feeling better" was gone. FIL was back to wanting to o-d. He snuck some whiskey and was drunk. MIL doesn't want to o-d, and doesn't want FIL to o-d either. (FIL wanted them to do this together.) So FIL told H he wouldn't o-d because MIL didn't want him to and she loved him. And did H know what an a$$hole FIL was? Did he know how many affairs FIL had had?
H finally got them both in bed... when we spoke he said "now I'll just half-sleep and wait to hear my mother scream that father has done something stupid, or stopped breathing"
I would suggest AD for FIL but know both he and H would be resistant to the idea. I'll prob suggest it anyway - to no avail.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
I really feel sorry for your h. There's nothing worse than having your parents talk about o-d. I'm sure your h didn't get much sleep last night. I hate to say this, but it sounds like they both need to have someone there w/them 24/7.
I do hope things are better today for your h.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
