I guess that is an important thing that I need to look at. Accepting what is (as lousy as that is right now), and believing in something better...eventually. Believing that it will all be worth it in the end.
I am right now looking back on what I have been doing for the past 2 years (started DBing back in 2011), and realizing that what I am focusing on now is largely the same thing I have been focusing on for the last year: becoming a person again. I threw my whole self into learning to support my family and wanting to be a good husband, and let go of any sense of identity I had myself. Now that W, who really was the center of my life, has abdicated that position, I am trying to remember who I am.
I guess the progress made is that about a year ago that was one theme among many, and far from the center. Now it is a major goal in my life. Being somebody for my own sake. And since I cannot say for certain that I will ever have W back, I really need to have a life and an identity worth having independently of her.
Years ago I used to take Karate classes, and I am planning on starting again on Monday. I NEED to start again on Monday. There were some friends there I talked to casually, and it would be helpful to have another adult who regarded me more positively than W does. Maybe smiles at me once in a while. And the exercise, having some goals of my own, apart from W and family - just might help me shake off some depression.
Thanks, everyone, for being here.
Think about it...if you met a potential mate who was nothing but a bundle of needs, would YOU be attracted to them?
