Another thank you for taking the time to help!! I was waiting for it...it went so wrong...I should haves, are all over the place.
I saw my control of the conversation and relationship...I had wrote down the list of don't and do's last week, had them on the frig...
I hit the bottom that is for sure! Love the comment that I should have asked what he was feeling at that time...we us that in the future.
Also he has made some statements of what he felt was wrong in the marriage but I have not asked directly again.
My roles....
To not let him be heard on multiple things To not put his needs ahead of mine To not have discussions where I was open to feedback and ideas from him To not be happy he is here in the home and let go of the hurt of him not being here To not admit that I was wrong, and sorry at times To not be happy with what I have in life, always want more
Oh that is so not all of it but where I can go right now...
I need to let go of the past, nothing will change the past, I do not want to hold on to resentment, anger, fear and pain from the past...
I want to be happy not consumed by this
I need his feedback on things, need to have discussions openly and with feedback on topics...need to show him that I appreciate his feedback and opionions on things
Should I address my behaviors with him? If so how? Or should I try to change things when he sees me...I know I did take over the conversation, gave up all the work I had done and that was working...
I feel pretty hopeless right now...need to schedule a conversation with coach...
So hard to change behaviors that have been present for 14 years.
So do I write a letter...I want to tell him ( I know this is me controling things) that if he wants he can take the money from taxes to get an apartment. I understand his need for stability at this time, I understand that it is hard for him to live in hotels and his truck and that I would not want him to be continuing with this unneccessary pain. I trust in the decision where he wants to live being the best for him and S. I appreciate how hard he is working through out this process in the last couple of month. I understand this can not be easy for him and takes a lot of bravery and control to do what he is doing. I am sorry for the pressure I have been putting on him and the guilt I have been making him feel. This is not right that I am doing that, I am wrong to make him feel that way. I take responsbility for not being willing to hear him in the past and since his leaving, his opionion and feelings do matter and I do know that but have not shown him this. I want him to be happy in his life not matter what that life looks like. The conversations so far have not gone well on my part and I take responsbility for my actions and am sorry. I want to open up discussion on the Montana trip as he was not able to discuss it during our conversation as I controlled the topic. This was not how I wanted the conversation on the topic to go but I can not change that, just admit that I was wrong in how I approached it...
This is all the sutff plus more that I would love to say...do I just shut up now and address them when and if they come up?
