Lots of hugs to you as you are struggling through this. I know this is a difficult time but you must be so proud of yourself for the strength and courage you have shown. It really is something to be admired.
Your latest struggle is probably one of the biggest ones that my friends and I have gone through. I spent a lot of time wondering for how long my H had been this jerk. Was it only for the last few years or was I deluded the whole 15? You know what I finally arrived at? For almost 13 years, my H really was wonderful to me. I don't believe for a second there was some sort of 15 year plan to screw me over. We had fun. We had a beautiful life. Something happened along the way and he wasn't so wonderful anymore. But that does NOT negate the life we had. That does NOT negate the wonderful things we were to one another. It's ok to be sad for what things are now. But try your best to resist the temptation to paint your R with one color. Because, most likely, that is not reality. You have beautiful memories and a beautiful family because of your H. You don't deserve to have all of that taken from you as well. Keep your memories because they are all yours. But deal with your present circumstances as they are now. You should feel no guilt. Be bold. Be bold in holding your precious memories and bold in dealing with your current reality.
