It IS true that my wife sacrificed her career to stay home with our girls. She is justified in how she feels about this. Like you, she wanted to make sure that it was one of US who was at home with our kids. She has taken care of our home, run kids to school, doctor appointments, helped with homework, scheduled play dates... the list goes on and on. She has done an excellent job of raising our girls and my heart aches because of where she is.
I wasn't supportive, understanding or helpful. I didn't know my kids very well. I was disconnected from them and harsh with them. As of this past summer, that has changed. I have come to know my daughters on a much deeper level. I feel connected to them. I feel I now know them. It's fun to talk with them and find out what they are interested in and what they are thinking about or working on. We do things together now. Now I am not harsh with them. I want to guide them and help them and teach them. They are a joy. (Most of the time.)
I am an airline pilot. My wife was too. When I met her she was a flight attendant and she busted her a** to make it into the cockpit. She got hired at a regional and four months after she was hired, she was out of work. The industry has never been the same. While she was furloughed, we had our firstborn. She got called back, but declined the offer. She says she did it for me. I believe her.
When she was hired, we moved to her base. That is why I commute. It's 2.5 hours via jet to work for me. I am gone half the month. We both love where we live, the schools are very good, it is very family/kid friendly and my wife now has a network of good friends who are from her homeland. They mean a lot to her. I feel she has become closer to them than she is to me.
I cannot work where we live. We could only move to where I work. I am open to anything. I HONESTLY would do anything she would ask of me to save our marriage. She means that much to me. I don't think she would want me to give up my job, but I have never asked. Maybe I should. I could work at my base as an instructor pilot and be home most every night. That is an option.
I WILL make it a point to express to her my gratitude and appreciation for her sacrifice. I just don't think that is enough, though. I need somehow to find a way that I can give her restitution for all that she has given to me. Restitution and a genuine change in me are the only things I have to give her. Plus I can listen to her. And LOVE her...if she will let me.
She is looking at studying meteorology now. It is something closely related to her past job and a subject she enjoys. I have told her I will do what it takes for it to happen. If she wants it, I will do it. I will reverse rolls with her, taking on the kids, the household, anything I can to help. She has applied and all she is waiting for is to be accepted.
Our oldest is ADHD and we are getting her tested for autism this month. She has a big heart and is very loving and affectionate, but can be a great challenge as well. I love my daughter, but not the "special needs" part. It is very difficult and does add stress to our home.
I have promised my wife NO MORE BIG HOME IMPROVEMENT EXPENDITURES, and I MEAN it! I have begun also to make sure that I do all that I can to keep my spending in check. I ask her what she thinks about a purchase before it is made and if she doesn't feel comfortable with it, I honor her feelings. We are very blessed in having zero debt with the exception of a mortgage, but we haven't spent the money where she wants to spend it. She values education and experiences; not things. I really DO have an AWESOME girl!!
I hope you can see by way of this post that I DO want to be a part of her future!!
