The EE coordinator is very helpful and good to get in touch with. She set me up to talk with an EE grad, who was having R problems during his EE course, and who sold me on the concept. It seems to me that this is a very good way to get unstuck.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
I want so much to be heard, understood, known. Really known by someone.
But can you let someone see the vulnerable part of you in order to really be heard.
From my life: I projected a persona of a wise-cracking, sarcastic, do almost anything for a laugh, tough cookie because I felt that if anyone got to the soft-center of me I would be lost. I had to protect that at all costs because others might not respect that, honor that, they might make fun of it, I would feel ashamed by the "real" me.
So I created a hard shell around that soft-center and protected it with every fiber of my being.
I couldn't let people really know be because I was afraid.
I've been chipping away at that shell for 3 years now and it's almost gone.
How many people do you let in, really let in?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Some EE flavor, from a Skype chat and some texting, fwiw:
The EE grad I spoke with wrote this:
"I think that if you can walk in with what I call the three opens (can't do the body language with typing) you'll get a great deal out of it:
1) Open mind (touches head) 2) Open heart (touches heart) 3) Open arms (for hugging). (opens arms) "
That is, it sounds like you must be willing to be vulnerable, open. Perhaps being an out of towner (EE is in Philadelphia, and I am coming from Sweden) is an advantage in this open context.
...
I wrote this:
"If asked how confident I am about myself and socially, maybe a 2 of 5 (1 is worst). If asked about knowing what I want from life and if I have a plan, also 2 of 5. It seems I am not in control of it much, not a good feeling.
I'd really like to hear what others want from life, what plans they have, what is important to them, and how they plan to achieve these."
My EE contact wasn't fazed by this openness (and we'd only been talking for maybe 10 minutes) - how great and real to be able to be open and share - and I really liked the guy -
Good stuff, I think, if you are wound that way,
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Luke... the very opposite for me. I truly let h in... and now am lost and destroyed because of it... I will now start to build my wall, and never be that vulnerable again.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
more to add... I am very upset about that because I am a loving generous person and was so glad to be able to be me, in my r. I now feel taken advantage of and sooo sooo hurt by this. I wonder how this will all play out. I don't want to be a cynical hard person afraid to love again.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
wfm - it sounds like your boundaries and self were overrun - but isn't there still a core - a real, inviolable, you, left, somewhere? I think that boundary setting with another person, which doesn't mean that you don't really communicate with them (sorry for the negative logic), can be gained in EE - constructive criticism, mutual help - revealing oneself, sharing, can happen. Perhaps not being in a marital R with the EE folks helps?
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
good luck Luke... keep me posted on your progress. When is your EE trip?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I'll get out of adinva's thread now - EE is this May. I consider it win-win - it may possibly help me in my marital difficulties, but even if we D, then it looks to be able to help me with getting through that.
Sorry for the intrusion, adinva -
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
No problem! WFM, you didn't let someone in, you gave yourself up to someone. A healthy relationship where you are a whole half of it is going to be much different. I hope you'll learn how to do that instead of building a wall.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Hi Ad, so happy for the decision you have made and how you came to it. As Inside said, type away!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
