M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
keep the focus on yourself. that's the best advice i can offer. If you focus on yourself, you get better for YOU and YOUR DAUGHTER!
When H was deep in the fog, he did a lot of things that was like pouring salt on the wound. I wish i had a game plan back then. For ex, whenever I allow Hs actions to hurt me, call a friend who knows I need to focus on myself, do an activity that occupies my mind and helps me learn more.
A lady at a mtg once said, she coulda learned another language with all the energy she was using focusing on H. --that's not a bad idea. Hows's your spanish??
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Like I said - I was detaching pretty good until she came home
BD was January for you, true detachment takes many months! If you feel detached when she's away but not when she's there, then you're not detached. You'll know you're detached when you feel the same whether she's there or not. There's a certain ambivalence to it, it's not that you don't care about her, it's more that what she says and does doesn't impact you anymore. Your emotions will no longer change during interactions with her.
It's the little things that nick my heart and make it bleed........
Tonight I asked her if she had returned our Netflix movies because I hadn't seen one come in a while......she said she doesn't have time to watch them here so she re-directed them to the om's house
Just read 50pages of 5ll.....seems I need to improve communication and fill her love tank.
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
I just caught up on your sitch. Your previous post must have been awful to hear. I know that hurts but listen to what others have said. Focus on you and your D. It takes alot of time to detach. It is even harder when they are around. I know! Continue to look for ways to GAL. Good luck.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
Im reading 5LL and my wifes language is "Time" (This explains so much as ive been working non stop on school and the rest of the time on "escape from reality" the last year) How can one incorporate "Time" when Im divorcebusting and she is away with the OM????
Grizz- Thanks so much - Im working on it and damn is it hard!
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
I deal with the same thing. My wife's language is quality time. That and physical touch. Kinda doesn't work when she doesn't want to be with her husband. Not really sure how to address this one. I guess the best you can do is try to make every moment of interaction that you have with her a positive experience. Or at least not a negative one.
Hopefully, she will spend more an more time back home and you can begin to rebuild the positive feelings she used to get when she was with you.
This morning i learned that my beautiful 3YO D is walking around her daycare telling her friends "My mommy lives at two houses".
Thankfully I have a VERY busy weekend and I have a pretty new dress for D. She and I are a team and we will overcome anything.
Pathfinder2- Im praying my wife doesnt have physical touch as well- if so im doubly screwed- right now she makes Ice cold
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
The first holiday -only my daughter and I -came and went. W left Sat night and I have not heard from her since.
I had a great time with my daughter. She is wonderful and sweet and unfortunately is aware of whats going on.On Sat she made an attempt to have mommy and daddy lie with her on her bed during storytime. Then she changed her mind and just wanted daddy.Mommy took that opportunity and made her quick exit.
I finally realized on Sat morning that my wife is a cake eater. She tried to tell me about her evening with the OM. I immediately responded firmly "I dont want to hear about it"
The house is just too big and quiet .Im trying to get out alot but I live in a VERY quiet community.
My love language is "Physical touch" - needless to say my love tank is empty.
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
The noise in my head is quieting. My family members have stopped calling every night. My wife is out of the house for longer periods of time. The anxiety is subsiding. The "High" is becoming a low.
I have been running around so much trying to avoid me. Im at the crossroads of feeling sad while knowing that I need to be strong for my own health and the wellbeing of my little girl.
Here is the good part. Im learning more about the individual that I am that I havent been in the last 16 years. I NEVER knew that I loved cleaning. That Im now obsessed with finances. That im actually quiet.
Two sayings that help me hang on- "Everything happens for a reason" and " If you love something ...set it free"
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
