Need help!!

[Jeack]

Thanks Accuray, Just a very tough day. i'm trying not to listen to family and friends because they just see how broken I am and think me filing will make me better. It's just amazing the person she has become, this is the woman i've been with everyday for the past 5 years and I can't even get a response. it's hurtful!

[Jeack]

Well just heard back from the W. She swore that she did file and thats she not changing her mind. were definitely done. I asked her to let me know when I should be expecting the papers. She said she would email the lawyer and find out and let me know. I told her so I could mentally prepare for it. I told her I would sign them and agree to everything we discussed. there was no fighting on the phone at all. She said she wanted me to move on and get to the same spot she is. she also said she wasn't seeing anyone. I told her i would sign and pray she changes her mind. I guess its game over time for me.

Could use some advice. big time right now on what to do.

[Accuray]

Go dark -- the next time you communicate at all it should be because she contacted you.

[2chiquitos]

All you can do is give her space. There are people on here that were/are in your similar sitch. I've read others advise them to hold off on the divorce as long as need be. For example, give yourself some time to digest receiving the papers before signing them. Don't just open up the envelope and pull out the pen.

Take your time, this isn't a race.

[Jeack]

Thanks for the advice. I think I am going to sign tho. But I will not contact her about anything else like Accuray said. I think by not signing will piss her off. I promised her I would sign and she knows thats I don't want this. She said she doesn't want to talk about us cause she doesn't want to feel bad.

[Jeack]

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[Accuray]

Just be sure you are legally protected. Don't agree to anything you shouldn't "just to be a nice guy". Get a lawyer to look it over and give you opinions. You can accept or reject your lawyer's advice but at least you heard it.

I would sign when you're comfortable that the settlement is fair, but wouldn't delay it beyond that point.

Do stay dark though -- it's a huge test of your will. Realize that when you reach out you do so with hope. W detects that hope and translates it to pressure and guilt which she desperately wants to avoid and thus runs farther away from you.

You are "safe" to approach at the point she is *convinced* you want nothing more from her -- that she is neither responsible for your sadness or keeping you from being happy. That's when she will reach out without worry and you have a shot at rebuilding. Before that she might make some tentative overtures and how you respond will set the tone for what follows. Be happy, be busy, don't be too available. Your goal is to fill up your life with non-W stuff, the more the better.

[Jeack]

Thanks Accuray. I just called the courthouse and she did file on the 18th. W was gonna call her lawyer to see what the hold up was. I just texted her that I called the courthouse and it's filed so don't waste your money on a call to the lawyer. I do have a lawyer retained already. So hopefully this goes peacefully as can be. Wife said she only wants her car (that's in my name lease). So hopefully thats it.

Reality has really kicked in. Never thought she'd do this.

Your words of wisdom are appreciated beyond belief! I'm so glad we connected. THANK YOU

[Jeack]

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[Jeack]

Well I backslid the past few days. I even went as far to text her that lets get the divorce to relieve the pressure of being married and maybe see each other once in awhile to see if we can still enjoy each other. Obviously no response and very ridiculous sounding

My next text was that i was proud of her for finishing what she started by filing for divorce and that shes a really girl and that if i wasnt making her happy that i was glad she was doing what was best for her and wished her the best of luck.

Then i offered to keep her on my car insurance policy until the divorce was final if she agreed to pay half and to ask her to sign our local tax returns to send off.

This was 2 days ago. Then out of the blue today I get a msg back from her saying"sorry I was asleep. I hope what your saying is actually how you feel. I just replied "it is!!"

I don't even know what she's reffering to. I'm guessing me being proud of her for finally finishing something she started?

Gotta go dark. If she doesn't call about the insurance i'm gonna just pay it. the cars in my name anyway. And if she doesn't get back to me about the taxes, I'll just sign her name.

Just a very weird reply.